Secret Things #8: Loved

March 9, 2014 - Week 13

The world should know what an incredible husband I have. If you already know this or you wish to not know about this, then you have my permission to ignore this particular post.

Some days, for no particular reason that I can fathom, I have these overwhelming feelings of lethargy. Just thinking about having to get up and go do things is exhausting. I am 92% sure that the lethargy is 83% in my head. The fact that my laziness is taking advantage of my pregnancy is not surprising in the least.

Luckily, I am absolutely, wholeheartedly loved.

Jason and I are a grand team. I present him with problems of all sizes. I curl up in a ball. I tell him the world is coming to an end. And, without fail, he makes me look him in the eyes and asks, "Who solves all your problems?" and then goes and solves them. Whether it is piggy-backing me to the bathroom, doing all the dishes, making dinner or going grocery shopping all by his lonesome, or getting the bed ready for sleepy times, he solves every big, small, seemingly gigantically important problem that I deem [in my moment of sleepiness, grumpiness, laziness, etc.] to be absolutely unsolvable. He solves them again, and again, and again. He even gets out of bed and warms the frigid toilet seat for me in the middle of the night. Yes, that is love. And no, that is not TMI.

He holds me when I'm grumpy. He prays for me when I'm stressed. He crazily dances for me to make me smile [just like in Babe!]. He spins simple animal tales to help me go back to sleep.

And he asks for absolutely nothing in return.

I don't know how he does it. He never complains. He never hints that I might be taking advantage of this whole pregnancy thing. He never even hesitates or sighs when I make yet another silly request of him ["I don't want to put on my pants. Will you do it for me?]. Some days I feel like I am unfairly using him and his selflessness, but he never seems to feel used. He always seems genuinely willing to do whatever little thing I could possibly desire. How in the world do I deserve this man?

He dances with me to calm my worries. He brings me the case for my contacts when I want to take a nap but don't want to go to the bathroom to remove my contacts. He covers my desk with water bottles so I don't have to get up during work to get a drink. He brings me snacks whenever I have munchies, no matter what time it is. He feeds the birds, for me. He takes care of all cat-related tasks, for me. He does the laundry. He takes care of every smelly job. He volunteers to do any unpleasant piece of housework that I don't like to do.

And he does all of this while going to school, working on his research, providing for our family, and planning for our future.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church...

More than any other thing in this life, Jason is how I see Christ's love. I know I am loved beyond measure.

One thought that gives me a severe case of the warm fuzzies is that Jason is not only doing all of this for me, but also for the little person inside of me. I think my heart will crack a little bit [in ohsuchagood way] when I see Jason loving on his little half-Asian. It may be the thing I am looking forward to the most. He will be an incredible dad. Gah.

Who knew a tiny little pea-pod-sized person could already be so loved?

Dear Tiny Little Half-Asian kpluBlet,

You have fingerprints. That is insane. If you are a little girl, you already have half of our grandchild inside of you. That is even more insane. You become more miraculous every day.

Here's your first lesson in love, little one. Listen up. This is the truest thing I know. Love, in its purest form, is never earned or fully deserved. Love just is. It often has little to do with us. It has everything to do with the giver of the love, whether the giver is God or your parents or your spouse. This kind of love is the same on the bad days as well as the good days. It is just as strong when you've messed up as when you have worked hard, behaved well, and done everything "right." It is completely undeserved and yet you are wholly deserving in the eyes of the giver. It is a fantastic mystery.

You are loved beyond measure. You don't ever have to understand it. Just accept it.

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