every baby deserves an update

With each new pregnancy, the poor not-yet-born baby gets fewer and fewer mentions on this blog. This post will not remedy that, but I feel like he deserves at least one post dedicated to him while he is still in utero. So here goes!

Due date: 4.30.21
Gender: Boy
How far along: 34 weeks and 6 days
How far out: Exactly 100% of the time, my belly reaches places before the rest of me does
Weight: The gooseberry has probably gained between 4 and 5 pounds by this point, while I am sitting at a not terrible 15 pound gain. 
Most annoying part: The nonstop need to pee. 
The best part: Feeling the little limbs poking out of my sides.

First trimester: I had some mild nausea at random times throughout the day for weeks 7-9. I did not care for most foods. I lived for the afternoon nap if the other three boys cooperated with their naps and quiet time hours. I dreamed SO MUCH, multiple dreams per night that I could easily recall the next day, which for the most part was so much fun. I made it through the first 13 weeks without gaining any weight and, more notably, without stressing obsessively about whether the baby was actually still moving around in there. A much more peaceful first trimester in all the ways.

Second trimester: Nausea was long gone, but foods just were not that appetizing. I could eat anything - I just didn't care for anything in particular. It's not a terrible problem to have as it definitely allowed me to snack less than I normally would have, but it's still an odd thing to think about a food you know you would usually eat and eat and eat and be, "Meh, I could take it or leave it." We, of course, had the anatomy scan during this trimester and discovered the not-at-all-surprising news that the gooseberry was baby boy #4. We received the also not-at-all-surprising news that he was another potato baby [as we endearingly call them] with shorter than average limbs. At the start of the year, I determined to walk/exercise as often as possible. Jason's easier semester gave him more free evenings and he was able to keep me motivated to hop on the treadmill for a 1.5 mile jaunt 4-5 times a week. I think this has definitely kept me much more energized this time around weirdly enough [but not all that weird, I know]. Also, as long as I got to bed by 10:30, I would feel great the next day. If I happened to stay awake until 11 pm, I was pretty useless the next day, mood and energy wise. Despite having a slow recovery of appetite in this trimester, I still finished out the second round of 13 weeks with 11 pounds gained. Oof.

Third trimester: Eat.All.theTHINGS. This is always where it gets tricky. Now I want all the foods and I can actually hold more food with the baby slowly making his way out of my ribs, but I don't want to weigh 150 pounds. Such a conundrum. But we've made it to the end game! Only five more weeks to go. Only FIVE MORE. I have felt great. I have the classic "I need to pee" waddle pretty much 24/7 because of the 24/7 need to pee. I am currently in an I Want an Afternoon Nap phase, but I'm pretty sure that's because of how late I've been staying up while Jason was Spring Break-ing. While I can no longer comfortably have people climbing all over me or sitting in my lap to read books, I can still heft my soon-to-be-dethroned-from-resident-baby-of-the-house-status Sebastian up and down within reason and I don't feel at all old and decrepit and huffy puffy while going for walks. I am experiencing the annoyance of having to stand farther away from the sink and having to do this awkward hunched over reach while washing dishes, but all in all, not too shabby for almost 35 weeks along. ONLY FIVE MORE TO GO. 

Now that I am very, very, very obviously pregnant [like, there is no way anyone would possibly feel uncomfortable or anxious about assuming that I am 100% a pregnant Asian - there are not enough tacos in the world to make this a questionable assumption about my stomach], I find it entertaining fielding people's reactions when the boys and I are out on a walk around the neighborhood [walks that inevitably consist of three false starts down the street, only to have to head home to pee again and again before actually getting to go on the walk...]. Lucas and Finley ride ahead on their bikes and I follow behind with Sebastian in the stroller, and my Walmart-sized watermelon belly proudly sways from side to side as if to say, "Look at me! Look at me!" And look the good people do. And comment and question. Yes, number four! Yes, another boy! Yes, probably more in the future! I enjoy it though, because it is a human interaction/conversation that I am comfortable with: one that comes with predictable questions that I already have the answers queued up for and have rehearsed in my head a dozen times [these are normal parameters for normal people's conversations, right?]. I end up feeling like I'm sociable without devolving [usually] into mumbles and awkwardness and nonsensical responses that make zero sense [my baseline norm for human interactions]. Apparently at 35 weeks along, THIS IS MY GOLDEN MOMENT. Also, ONLY FIVE MORE WEEKS.

Today's appointment at the birth center was uneventful, which is what I prefer. The gooseberry was head down, measuring on schedule, and bopping the Doppler monitor thumpity thump the whole time we were listening to his clippity clop heartbeat. We have the GBS test at our next appointment in two weeks and then we hit the weekly visits until this fella makes his glorious debut. Everything is picking up and I love it. Labor and delivery is honestly one of my favorite parts about pregnancy so I await it with much anticipation. It's work, work, work for some number of hours and then boom, instant gratification baby. Such a high. 

a 35-week along potato mama

So, there you have it. Boyo #4 pregnancy so far in a nutshell. It may sound cliche, but God always seems to give me exactly what I need, and this 100% applies to my pregnancy. I needed good energy and a good emotional state so I could still be a decent mom to my other three rapscallions while I grew this fourth rapscallion, and I have had that to a point I would never have expected. If I did hashtags, this would be the time for #tooblessedtobestressed, or maybe #Godisgoodallthetime, or maybe #Icanfitmoretacosnow. I may sound overly optimistic or like I'm sugar-coating things, but truly, this is life right now. And it's indescribably excellent 👍

Dear tiny baby in my belly, 

I await your arrival with much anticipation. Please be kind, cooperative, and punctual on your way out. You will be smothered with the love and the toys of your three big brothers as soon as they see you. You are cherished beyond reason. I can't wait to squish you.

♥️♥️♥️

Your mama

a 24-week along potato baby

questionable decisions

Act I:

Finley has the stuffed llama. Lucas is obsessed with the stuffed llama. Finley does not want to give him the llama. Lucas offers him a stuffed polar bear. Finley does not want the polar bear. Lucas offers him the polar bear again and sweetens the deal: "Here, Finley, you can have the bear instead and then you will be king over me FOREVER." 

Finley accepts the deal. 

Lucas runs out of the room with the llama and comes back with another bear, declaring: "...and now this bear makes me the king over YOU forever!"

Act 2:

Finley holds up a pillow and a giant squishmallow owl: "I have a sword and a spear! Wucas, you are David and I AM GOLIATH. Now who will win?!"

two is better than one

I find this to be such a weird thing to say and experience: Schooling two kids is better than just schooling one.

I don't know why this is. But I love it [and I'm quite relieved to find it to be this way so far since, well, my plans on homeschooling a passel of tiny people has always been a lifelong dream]. 

Adding a half hour of structured schooling for Finley to our day, interspersed between Lucas's subjects, has made our days pass so smoothly. Finley loves to be included and have his special school time. Lucas always knows what to expect and looks forward to passing his warmed chair to Finley while he takes a Lego break. I don't know how it will be when Boy 3 and 4 join the mix, but the two boy schedule has been beautiful. 

Lucas is flying through his second grade work. He is working on fraction/decimal conversions and can easily work through long division problems. His reading/writing/spelling continue to be grades beyond his age. He considers any kind of logic puzzle to be a fun reward. He loves fact books and will often greet me each day with a "Mommy, did you know..." [which, 4 times out of 5, I do not]. Two of his latest revelations? Houseflies only buzz in the key of F and when anglerfish mate the male attaches himself to the female until he starts losing his eyes and organs [feel free to look it up for more exact details]. You're welcome. 

Finley loves being able to read now. He will often sit in the bathroom reading over his word charts or I will catch him picking out words on things around the house. He still gets lowercase B's and D's mixed up at times, which makes for some funny sentences, but he'll get there. He's starting to read more smoothly and he no longer wants me to point at each word, taking a swipe at my hand any time I try to point at a word to show him his place. So ungrateful. The giggles he gets when he reads a funny story is everything. He loves to talk about what he just read, in such a serious manner, and it's adorable. I love his opinions and take on things. He gets a big kick out of our writing lessons each day, and he loves when we choose which letter he executed the best that day. He is working on adding and subtracting up to 5 and the way he checks his math on his sweaty little chunks of fingers is so cute.  

This particular phase right now is pretty excellent. I have all the good feelings and zero complaints. I love these kiddos and am so glad I get to be their teacher on the daily. 

It's an incredible feeling to realize you're living out your life just the way you imagined it years upon years ago. ❤

[Did you notice how I'm pretending to ignore the fact that I haven't blogged in 85 years? 😬 Sometimes you've got to skip the excuses and just jump right in...]

distracting distractions

It's 9 am.

Boy 1 is working on his math. Boy 2 just wants to hover and poke at him. I distract Boy 2 by suggesting we sort cars. Boy 1 doesn't want to do his math anymore because he wants to sort cars too. Boy 3 comes over and scatters all of the nicely sorted cars. I distract Boy 3 by reading a book. Boy 2 wants to look at a different page of the book. I distract Boy 2 with a different book. Boy 3 wants to read that book. I give Boy 2 the first book. Boy 3 wanders off to play with Legos. Boy 1 decides to play Legos too. Boy 2 fusses that Boy 3 isn't allowed to play with Legos. I distract Boy 3 with some cars. Boy 2 starts taking apart Boy 1's Lego creations. I distract Boy 2 with a tower building contest in another room. Boy 1 wants to be in the tower building contest. Boy 3 knocks down Boy 2's tower. I distract Boy 3 with some puzzles. Boy 2 wants to do a puzzle. Boy 3 messes up Boy 2's puzzle. I distract Boy 3 with block towers. Boy 1 wants to do a puzzle. Boy 2 messes up Boy 1's puzzle. I distract Boy 2 with cars. Boy 3 wants to play with the same cars. 

And then suddenly it's 9:45 am and I only have 6 more hours before Parent 2's last day of work this year ends.

musical accomplishments

There honestly are only a few things I pride myself on when it comes to parenting. I think I do an okay job on 80% of things, a pretty good job on 15% of things, and an absolutely terrible job on 4% of things. But man, that last percent. On that last 1%, I'm outstanding. 

So, of course, you're probably curious: what things could possibly fall into that minuscule category?

Well, to name a few...

- eating things offered to me by a child (the key is to just pop it in your mouth before you think to ask what is it, where did it come from, why does the child no longer want it, and who already had it in their mouth)

- monsching baby love handles

- making up top notch songs for any situation

Now obviously, "top notch" is pretty subjective. My personal definition of top notch has to do with the song's ability to elicit laughs from tiny people, how easily I am able to recall the tune and words at a future date, or whether I catch any of the aforementioned tiny people quietly singing it to themselves later in the day. If the song satisfies any of those three criteria, it's top notch. 

There's a bear with no head? I've got a song for that.

You can't find your shoe? I've got a song for that.

The truck made a weird sound? I've got a song for that.

I don't know why I often start out talking and end up repeating something ridiculous over and over again until it ends up song-like. Perhaps it's a parenting coping mechanism? Whatever the reason, this is what I do. And I am outstanding.

And humble. I am also humble.

there's a song here somewhere

jibber jabber

Blogging has been on my to-do list for months. I have several posts started and none finished. This stresses me out. 

Conversational hilarity has been happening in this house for months. I have several batches of notes on my phone filled with ridiculousness. This pleases me to no end.

So. I will, yet again, take care of the former by using the latter. And then I'm going to attempt some falafel.

Welcome to our world:

Me: "Did you know they're having Ninja Warrior tryouts in St. Louis this year?"

Jason: "I... I can't do that."

Lucas: "I'm riding my moon bicycle."

Me: "How do you not just float away?"

Lucas: "...uh, because of the stabilizers and weights, of course."

Voice from the boys' bedroom: "Daaadddy. Daaaaadddy."

Jason: "What do you need, Finley?"

Voice: "The closet door is open. And I'm Lucas." 

Jason: "As long as they stay away from the super high notes, Junior Asparagus does just fine."

Finley: "Oh! It's the tomato siren."

Lucas: "No, that's the tornado siren."

Finley: "My ankles hurt."

Me: "Show me. Where are your ankles?"

Finley, pointing to his chest: "Here."

Me: "Those aren't your ankles. Those are your nipples. Your ankles are down here by your feet."

Finley: "Oh. Well, my nimples hurt."

Lucas: "I think the alligator is actually Big Bear's flower making machine."

Jason: "I don't think any parent can imagine their kid being 37."

Lucas, making a Lego creation: "It's supposed to look like an upside-down bed. And when someone lies down on it, it flashes a really bright light."

Me: "Okay... Why does it flash a really bright light?"

Lucas: "Well, you never know when you might need a bright light in your bed."

Jason: "Ladies don't buy chocolate for men. That's just the way it is."

Me: "...it's just a one-sided pun."

Jason: "No, that's just mispronouncing a word."

Finley: "My heart is sad. Oh, now it's happy." 

Jason: "A bird in a hand is worth a whole bush full of birds."

Finley: "I can't see with my eyes."

Finley: "I found two cows."

Lucas: "You're only supposed to find one cow."

Finley: "I found two cows."

Lucas: "Oh, that's not a cow. That's a dog. Or maybe a goat."

Finley: "Oh. I think it might be a dog. Or maybe a funny dog."

Lucas: "Or maybe a goat."

Finley: "Yeah, it's a dog."

Lucas: "It could be a goat."

Finley: "Or a DOG."

Lucas: "Or a goat.

Finley: "IT'S. A. DOG!" 

Me: "Is this piece of bread too big for you?"

Finley: "Yes, it's too big."

Me: "Oh, well I can break it in half-."

Finley: "No! I want it to be too big." 

Jason: "Book characters are never as smart as me." 

Lucas: "I feel like warming your butt would help you poop." 

Me: "Look at those birds in the sky!"

Lucas: "Maybe they're looking for worms."

Finley: "Uh, there are no worms in the sky."

Finley: "How do you foot this football? How do you foot it?"

Finley: "I don't want this sticker to say ho ho ho. I want it to say panda."

Me: "Well, I can't really make that happen..."

Finley: "But God can, right? Maybe God will make it happen."

Finley: "Walruses do like to eat fish. And hippos do like to see feet sticking up out of the water."

*commercial*: "If it's got to be clean, it's got to be Tide."

Finley: "I DO want my clothes to be clean. Someone needs to wash my clothes."

Lucas: "Color-changing chameleons, you are no match for my mighty sword!"

Jason: "What do you do with a giant loaf of bread?" 

Finley: "Will you share that bandaid?"

Finley: "Your whole face is in your eye!" 

Finley: "If you sit on a Lego, you might get a headache in your butt." 

Lucas: "I'm coloring the ATLANTIC ocean with PACIFIC blue!"

Jason: "You're going to poop? On your BIRTHDAY?"

Finley: "Alligators really like to eat apples... I wonder why?"

Jason: "I think I've had several emotions... Happiness. Sleepiness. I have emotions."

Finley: "Every time I sleep, my mouth gets bigger."

Jason: "Finley, you might not be big enough to go to in the crow's nest."

Finley: "But... But I might FEEL big enough."

Finley: "I'm brushing my teeth with applesauce. Applesauce still makes my teeth bright." 

Lucas: "What kind of bug is on the ceiling? Is it an ant?"

Jason: "No, it's bigger than an ant."

Finley: "Maybe a daddy ant?"

Lucas: "Is it a fly?"

Jason: "No, it's bigger than a fly."

Finley: "Maybe it's a daddy fly?"

Lucas: "I can actually hear myself blinking! It sounds like foofah foofah."

Finley: "Wucas, Wucas! There's a bird in our yard! Wucas, come see the bird in our backyard."

Lucas: "Ooh, ooh, okay! What's it doing?"

Finley: "It's walking around like a bird!"

Lucas: "Oh..."

Jason: "I have to put a diaper on Sebi."

Finley: "Why can't he have... a plain butt?"

Finley: "I'm a party dancer!"

Finley: "What are you doing?"

Me: "I'm cleaning my glasses. They're really dirty."

Finley: "How did they get so dirty?"

Me: "Well, I probably-."

Finley: "Maybe you dropped them in the mud a really, really long time ago."

Jason, watching birds do their mating dances: "It looks like... What's that thing people used to be into? Tweaking?"

Me: "Twerking..."

Finley: "Do you want this hat, Wucas?"

Lucas: "No, I have all the hats I need."

Finley, quietly to himself: "I DON'T have all the hats I need..."

Me: "I'm thinking of an animal that's gray. It has four big feet and REALLY big ears-."

Finley: "An elephant!"

Me: "Yes! You got it! Okay, your turn."

Finley: "I'm thinking of an animal with four feet and he has little ears and he has brown fur with blue spots."

Me: "...um, hm, I don't know? I give up."

Finley: "It's a moose!"

Me: "A moose with blue spots?? I've never seen a moose with blue spots before!"

Finley: "Me either. But that's what it looked like in my head so... that's what I said."

Finley: "Mommy, you look pretty in all that gray."

three is one

Dear Sebastian,

There's just something about you. You make motherhood fresh and new. You are contentment now and hope tomorrow. No matter how hard I try, I cannot describe the depth of my love for you.

Maybe it is the three months you spent sleeping next to me every night after you were born - you sweetly swaddled right underneath my arm, while I lay there with bated breath hoping your face never lost its look of perfect peace. Maybe it is the hours spent nursing you - you perfectly content to just sit and stare and periodically suck, while I kept flicking your ears and tweaking your cheeks to make you focus on the task. Maybe it is the intense must-only-have-mama weeks and months long "phases" you have - you going from abject sadness to utter contentment as soon as you are in my arms, while I have to listen to you cry like your heart is broken if I so much as turn my back on you.

For whatever reason, our mama/baby bond feels ever so strong, ever so close. And that's why this one year celebration of your beautiful life seems to feel extra hard. I can't stand the thought of losing that bond with you. You are everything I wanted for my third baby. You are everything I didn't even know I needed in a baby. I know you turning one doesn't change anything, really, but it does make me wonder: what will our bond be like in a year? two years? five years? My hope is that you will always want to snuggle, that you will always reach out for me when you're sad, that you will always have some only-need-mama times.

Watching you enter this new phase of learning and growing is so exciting. Your first steps. Your first face plant. Your first Get Right Back Up. I love this stage. I love seeing your mind come alive with thoughts and desires and problem solving. Can you fit that entire cup in your mouth? Conclusion: You cannot. I love your babbling and squeaking and grunting. I eagerly await the moment you discover the power of words, your voice melding into the already present cacophony of your brothers' voices. I can't wait to see if you are a singer or a dancer or a music maker. 

Here are my requests of you at this moment: 

1. Please give your poor thumb a break. You are our first thumb-sucker and we appreciate your ability to soothe yourself, but your thumb looks so tired. 
2. Never lose your thigh rolls.
3. No matter how old you are, keep giving out those tight, arms-flung-wide hugs.

Sebastian Oliver, I love you, I love you, I love you. I will tell you fifteen times a day. I will whisper it in your ear until you swat me away. I will accidentally shout it in your ear because I have poor volume control. I will love you no matter what you do, no matter how you feel, no matter where you go.

You are cherished beyond belief, Sebi. Happiest of birthdays, my little friend!

Love,

Mama

kitchen notes

I am not a follower of recipes. I do not know why. I try to follow them. I really do. And then I get two ingredients in and it seems too annoying to unlock my phone yet again with my food covered hands to look at what comes next and so, I go rogue. Again. 

Since I am not a follower of recipes, I am not a baker. Baking requires much more stringent recipe following. Baking requires measuring cups and measuring spoons and scales and specific ingredients. Baking requires a level of precision that, honestly, I am just unwilling to give. But! Baking gives you cakes and cookies and muffins and bread. 

So, baking and I have come to a rather shaky compromise: I will do my best to add the right type of ingredients and it will do its best to produce something that at least remotely resembles a baked good. 

This past weekend, in honor of Easter, I decided to tackle another baking project. This time, the goal was challah - a beautifully braided, golden, egg and honey flavored loaf. I knew there would be some obstacles, but I felt ambitious. I could do this thing. 

Step 1: Make some dough. 

Obstacle 1: Doughs don't like me.

Solution: When it asks for 4.5-6 cups of flour, use 7.

Step 2: Let it rise.

Obstacle 2: What does double in size mean? Now? Is it the right size now? What if I poke it? Oh great, now it's really not double in size. Why did I poke it? Do I start over? 

Solution: Wait a really long time. And stop poking it.

Step 3: Roll it into strands.
Obstacle 3: My counter's not big enough. My dough is too slide-y. My helpers are poking things with forks.
Solution: Make uneven, lumpy ropes of all sizes and call it a day. Put the fork holes on the bottom.

Step 4: Braid it.
Obstacle 4: My dough strands.
Solution: Pretend the six strand braid is supposed to be uneven and lumpy.

Step 5: Put the loaf on the pan.
Obstacle 5: Putting the loaf on the pan.
Solution: The loaf was eventually manhandled onto the pan. Neither the helpers nor the forks were a part of the solution.

Step 6: Bake until bottom sounds hollow.
Obstacle 6: I am terrible at choosing watermelons based on their hollow sounds.
Solution: The challah is not a watermelon.

Step 7: Let cool before serving.
Obstacle 7: I have no cooling rack thingamajig, but I do have a houseful of people who want to eat freshly cooked breads immediately.
Solution: Two tupperware-type containers and threatening to use the loaf as a weapon.

Overall, I would say our final result was a resounding success. It had an excellent texture and flavor, and clumsy braiding aside, it was my best looking loaf of bread yet. The men of the house expressed much delight upon finally tasting the bread. The sounds of their munching could be heard far and wide and the crumbs left all over the floor were enough to make a second loaf.

I'm pretty sure Finn thought the whole loaf was his and Lucas's alone

my breadie [that's a foodie specific to bread, fyi]

Baking, you and I might just be able to be friends after all.

Easter miracles:

1) Recipe followed almost perfectly.

2) Loaf lasted more than one day.

3) He is not here; He has risen!

an explosion of things

Oh boy. My collection of conversation bits has gotten out of hand. I blame Sebastian for being a third tiny human to take care of, leaving less time to blog the bits more frequently. I also blame Finley for learning how to talk and say hilarious things and doubling the number of things I want to jot down and remember forever. I also blame Lucas, just because it feels unfair to leave him out.

Okay, with all that blame appropriately assigned and out of the way, it's time to get to the good stuff. This is 9 months of stuff, so perhaps the considerate/smart thing to do would be split it up into two posts. But that would mean remembering to come back and make a second post... And we all know that won't be happening [see above blame] so...

Life in the Vermette Household Through the Lens of [an absurd amount of] Four Second Sound Bites, go!

*************

Lucas, huffing and puffing: "I'm trying to catch up with my breath."

Lucas: "Finley, when you grow up and have kids, don't tell them that's what an octopus sounds like."

Jason: "There's still some jerky in his bellybutton if you want some."

Jason: "I'm pretty sure contracts pre-marriage are still enforceable."

Lucas: "Do you think European babies cry differently?"

Finley, examining his kangaroo animal cracker: "Hop hop."
Finley, biting off the kangaroo head: "No more hop."

Jason, shaking his head and muttering: "Ugh, it's just chaos..."

Jason: "Stop touching that."
Lucas: "Even with things that aren't my hands?"

Lucas: "Some fun things lead to un-fun things, like washing hands."

Me: "Was there pandemonium?"
Lucas: "...what's monium?"

Lucas: "I feel like I have glitter on my tongue."

Lucas: "I can't hula hoop my whole life. I have other things to do, like eat and sleep and other things like that. If I don't sleep, I don't grow!"

Jason: "Who will go first?"
Lucas: "Me!"
Jason: "You went first last game AND you went last on the last game."
Lucas: "Okay... Then I'll go third."
Jason: "...it's a 2-player game."

Jason: "I don't think anyone named Edith has ever stolen a pie."

Me: "Oh the humanity!"
Lucas: "Oh the huge manatee!"

Jason: "What if squats were called scoots but everything else in the universe was the same?"

Lucas: "Well, I woke up at 6:16 and went pee. Then I went back to sleep until 6:24. Then me and Big Bear explored pandas. And then we got up at 6:34."

Lucas: "I KNOW what dramatic means, but I'M NOT DRAMATIC."

Lucas: "I'm fast as lightning! And tired as a monkey."

Me: "Finley, you're just going to town on your breakfast."
Finley: "Me town breakfast. Mommy town breakfast. Daddy town breakfast."
Lucas: "I only go to town on the road."
Finley: "Geegee town road."

Me: "Or I could have a chalkboard."
Jason: "No. You cannot have a chalkboard. I forbid it. If you buy one, I'm throwing it out at the curb."

Jason: "Okay, boys, Daddy needs to go pee so don't get in a fight while I'm gone."

Finley: "Geegee, me turtle gone. Me turtle go? Geegee, me turtle go?"
Lucas: "You'll have to find him yourself."
Finley: "No, Daddy find me turtle."
Lucas: "Well then you'll have to ask him and see if he wants to."
Finley: "Daaaaadddddy. Me turtle go? Me turtle gone. Daaaaadddddy."

Lucas, asking for a round tortilla chip: "May I please have one of those edible heads?"

Lucas: "Finley, you know how Big Bear is my favorite toy, but I will let you hold him if you let me hold the panda bear that you have."

Lucas: "I wish my whole life could be playing, eating, and running! And growing... I guess."

Finley: "Yucky booger me got."

Jason: "It wouldn't be very satisfying to stuff a bunch of Cheerios down my throat."

Finley: "Daddy, fall into the ball pit, please."

Jason: "You're my Walmart girl."

Jason: "Is that man running with a fanny pack??"

Lucas: "...that's because you drink COW milk, Daddy, not MOMMY milk."

Me, to Lucas in the bathroom: "Are you done yet?"
Lucas: "Um... yes. But how did you not already know?"
Me: "How would I know if you were done?"
Lucas: "Because you're, like, the pee tracker."

Lucas: "What's the most magical thing about birthdays?"
Me: "What?"
Lucas: "The pin-tada! Because a pinata is an animal that you burst open to get candy in holidays and birthdays and "tada!" is something you say when something happens."

Lucas: "Almost everything except poop starts off small and gets bigger. A baby koala is smaller than a five cent coin."

Lucas: "I like how Finley says 'Why take apart it?'"

Jason: "Lucas has a nature jar - you can have a hair jar. I'm just going to say, though, that's pretty weird."

Lucas: "Well, in skip year..."
Me: "...is skip year something like leap year?"
Lucas: "Oh. Leap year. That's what I meant."

Jason, after putting the boys to bed: "I feel like I might have told them Merry Christmas instead of goodnight..."
Me: "Yep, you definitely did."

Me: "How do you like the cornbread?"
Lucas: "You know how I like burritos just below pandas? This cornbread is the same amount of space below burritos that burritos are from pandas."
Me: "Wow. And how much space IS between pandas and burritos?"
Lucas: "Not much."

Jason: "Half of being a parent is forgetting you need to pee for two hours."

Lucas, singing one his original songs: "🎶God is preparing a place for me. He is the only God that is real. Some people may worship other gods, but I only praise Him.🎶"

Finley, climbing onto his giraffe: "Me go to work now."
Me: "Hope you have a good day at work! What kind of work do you do?"
Finley: "Me work like Daddy - me eat lunch at work and me play with tissues at work and sometimes me play in a barn at work."

Lucas: "Sebi is a funny little honey bunny. Especially when he poops somewhere he's not supposed to."

Lucas: "I'm laying eggs everywhere! When they hatch, they'll be cabies - half cub, half baby; half human, half bear."

Lucas: "Do you know what a chipmunk is?"
Finley: "It's kinda like a beaver."
Lucas: "No... not exactly."
Finley: "...kinda like a baby beaver?"
Lucas: "Well. Maybe."

Finley: "I'm peeing in my diaper!"
Lucas: "DADDY, FINLEY IS PEEING IN HIS DIAPER!"
Finley: "It's gone now."
Lucas: "It's gone now? Well, that doesn't mean you don't have pee. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean you don't have any pee. Maybe you just don't feel it but you still have pee."
Finley: "Go to sleep, Wucas. My pee is gone."

Jason: "The last time you smelled poop, it was bacon."

Lucas: "Don't look, Mommy."
Finley: "No, Wucas! Don't talk to Mommy."
Lucas: "Why not?"
Finley: "Because you're a kid."
Lucas: "You're a kid too."
Finley: "No! I'm not!"
Lucas: "Okay, then what are you?"
Finley: "I'm A FINN."

Finley, examining everyone's ears with an otoscope: "Hmm... It smells good. No hairs."

Jason: "I didn't think I would fall out of bed. I just didn't know where my pool noodle was."

Lucas: "Look what I made! It's a platypus pretending to eat a fish so it can look like a walrus narwhal."

Lucas: "Daddy is VERY smart and he knows a lot of things, but some things he just doesn't seem to know. For example, sometimes you can't just TRY, you have to DO."

Finley: "That's my eye booger."
Lucas: "You mean, eye wax?"

Jason, having run some errands with Sebi in tow: "We got some compliments while we were at the store."
Lucas: "...did people say Sebi was cute or did they say YOU were cute?"

Lucas, wanting to ask Jason one more question at bedtime: "Daaadddddy!"
Finley, having just been taken to the bathroom by Jason for the third time in as many minutes: "He's not coming back, Wucas. He's tired."

Finley: "On the first day of Christmas, I gave to me..!"

Lucas: "What is that?"
Finley: "It's my Lego flying duck."
Lucas: "But all ducks can fly."
Finley: "Yeah."
Lucas: "So... it's just a duck."

Lucas: "Nevermind means they don't need to talk to you anymore."

Finley: "It's time to go to sleep."
Lucas: "What are you going to do?"
Finley: "I'm not going to do nothing."
Lucas: " So... you're going to do... something?"
Finley: "No, I'm going to stop talking."
Lucas: "...and what else will you do?"
Finley: "Not close my eyes, that's for sure."

Finley: "I'm a Finn."
Jason: "What's a Finn?"
Finley: "It's a kind of a boy."

Me: "Do you think all men are like that?"
Jason: "I just don't think all women are like you."

Finley: "Go back into your hole, Wucas."

Lucas: "What's a gene pool?"
Jason: "Well, a gene is-."
Lucas: "I know what a GENE is."
Jason: "Well, you're five! I don't know what you know!"
Lucas: "A gene is what controls what you look like."
Jason: "That's... right."

Lucas: "When can I have my animals back?"
Finley: "When I'm born."
Lucas: "You've always been born for the whole time you've been alive. Since you are alive right now, then you are already born."
Finley: "I don't think so, Wucas."

Sebastian: "Bwah!"
Finley: "Are you a sheep, Sebi?"

Finley: "When I cough, hiccups come out."

*************

Whew. If you made it through that, you are either related to us or are having a really, really, really slow Thursday night. Or both.

I hope you enjoyed hearing 0.00003% of the nonsense that is spoken around here. Now go and have an intelligent conversation with another adult. It will help you recover.

it's never too early to introduce elephants to your baby brother

this chapter of life

Last year, conveniently at the beginning of the year, Lucas started announcing what that day's "Chapter of Life" was called. I don't know where he came up with the idea. I didn't know how long he would continue this trend. But I, being the documentarian/documentist/documenter that I am, started jotting them down. You have no idea how pleased I was that he did it for the entire year, more or less. Every day didn't get a title. Sometimes a couple of weeks would go by chapterless-ly. But then, with seemingly no rhyme or reason, he would suddenly declare a new Chapter of Life!

So, here is a glimpse, a recap if you will, of Lucas's 2019.

This chapter of life is called...
01.25: musician Finley
01.27: the very very busy day
01.29: the very windy GUP crashing day
02.11: the bear tangle
02.12: the surprise
02.14: the heart monsters
02.16: the vitamin stacking show
02.17: the negative freeze
02.18: the zoom vipers
02.21: the panda show
02.22: the exploding octopod
02.27: the bear hunt
02.28: the surprise after breakfast
03.04: the tow truck smash
03.05: the big-footed little goo
03.06: the bear mess
03.07: the boys who like to eat parallelograms
03.11: the sharks on tails
03.12: the balloon dance
03.13: trains galore
03.15: the ginormous car mess
03.16: the bears in jails
03.18: the climbing pandas who eat sandwiches
03.22: the walk
03.23: Big Bear's song
03.24: the boys and the bears and the balls
03.27: the three ups trucks
03.28: the ship
03.29: Big Bear and the slide
03.29: the jungle gym daddy
03.31: monster Lucas
04.02: the fox brother
04.03: the unexpected pig at breakfast
04.04: the thousand invisible monsters
04.05: the cars, the bears, and the baby in the chair
04.07: pushing Daddy
04.09: Finley the cat
04.10: the nature walk and the garbage truck
04.12: the very heavy bucket
04.14: planes galore!
04.18: Lucas and the string
04.20: Lucas and Finley clean the floor with cars
04.21: Lucas's first Dr Seuss book
04.24: the really fast dancers
04.25: the beautiful picture
04.27: the unexpected visitors
04.29: the ball snowman
05.01: the car seat fight
05.03: the most exciting times
05.04: the pandas drink too much water
05.05: "There are some monsters-. Wait, where did they go?"
05.12: the second missing Lucas
05.19: the mystery sound part 2/feathers galore part 1
05.20: the mystery sound part 3/feathers galore part 2
05.22: Big Bear and the obstacle course
05.23: the echo part 3 - the one where Furball feels unloved
05.30: Big Bear has grown
05.31: the mystery of the whooshing blurs
06.01: the meowing jar
06.05: Big Bear teaches Lucas how to read cat language messages
06.06: the pearl chase
06.10: the walking hat
06.11: cleaning the floor with cars again
06.15: the... running foods?
06.17: the hula hooping contest
06.20: Lucas and Finley and the fish
06.22: a sleepy tale
06.24: lots of mysteries
07.02: the very weird butterflies
07.04: the ball chase
07.05: the mischievous mouse
07.07: the earthquake
07.08: the tornado part 2
07.09: the running speck of dust - where the mischievous mouse is caught
07.10: Lucas-tastrophe!
07.17: Big Bear's baseball
07.19: the treasure part 1
07.21: the crashing lot
07.24: big poop, small poop, balloon poop..? all poop
07.29: the case of the missing fly fruit
07.30: the meowy sucking machine
08.04: the tangled squid - the one where Big Bear gets poisoned by the poison thing and Peso gets a squid all tangled up in bandages
08.09: the recipe
08.10: the ball mess
08.12: the alert
08.17: my sweet... smoke?
08.19: the two spies
08.22: the case of the missing mudskipper
08.24: the green upstairs
08.29: the runaway giraffe
08.30: the animal chase
09.12: the mess and the mice
09.15: the crumby mess
09.17: the splat-icane
09.18: the flood
09.20: the syrup-y splotch
09.21: the galaxy flooded with fishy biscuits part 1
10.07: the big tangle and the very noisy day
10.10: the house destruction
10.11: the mess soup robber
10.13: the second hurricane
10.15: the second hurricane part 2 and 3 and the house destruction part 2
10.16: the moon disaster
10.21: the truffula problem
10.24: the moon hurricane
10.25: the glump destruction
10.31: the creature's poisons everywhere
11.01: activate octobears?
11.03: the dirt and dye paintings
11.04: the seashore assembly
11.05: too many animals
11.06: the destruction
11.08: silly songs with Lucas and Finley, featuring Big Bear
11.11: the poison factory (the poisonous creatures wrote this)
11.14: operation moon
11.15: operation moon part 2
11.16: Big Bear's contraption part 1 and 2
11.17: Little Dog's mischief machine
12.10: the plan
12.18: the mischief tiger part 1

So there you go. Congratulations if you made it through. You now have a pretty accurate look into the mind of a 4/5-year-old and it is possibly the most unique tribute to 2019 you'll ever come across.

I love, so much, the way this kid's mind works. Some days I never quite know what is going on in there. Other days, I can predict to the moment what he's going to say when. He is such a fascinating mix of creativity/silliness and reason/precision, and I love him quite a bit.

Lucas, may your 2020 be even more ridiculous than your 2019!