the third one

So here we are. That is, here I am with my soon-to-be-evacuated-in-less-than-six-weeks freeloader kumquat. I figure it's time to devote one post to this squirmer, and what better time to do it than at the point where you simultaneously want him out out out as much as you want him to stay in longer because tooooo sooon noooot ready. That point of pregnancy is apparently at 34 weeks. Because here we are.

So! Here are some pregnancy stats!

Overall: Excellent. Really, nothing to truly complain about. I'm enjoying this pregnancy a good bit, just in comparison to Finley's go around. Last time was much more symptom-y and this time, with the exception of the food aversions and slight fatigue early on, I have felt great and normal most days. Even the dreaded glucose test went as well as can be expected, in so many ways, and was definitely the "best" one to date. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Time: Baby boy #3, week 34.4. This marks 1,919 consecutive days of either growing a person inside of me or nursing a person outside of me or simultaneously both. Seeing as Jason and I have been married for 3,971 days, that is nearly half of our married life. Poor Jason.

Weight: At our week 31 appointment, I was up 16 pounds. This is pretty much on par with my weight gain with Finley, though I am starting 2 pounds heavier than I did with Finley, so... Basically I feel like a whale and since I carry most [all?] of the weight in my stomach, I feel like I look like a whale. Or like this orangutan.

When I compared myself to this orangutan, all Jason had to say is, "You don't know that orangutan is even pregnant." 😐

Height: Still the same. Still waiting on my growth spurt.

Length: Of what?

Problematic pregnancy side effects: Sometimes I need a good shove to sit up in bed. If I try to sit straight up from lying down without turning onto my side or getting a hand from Jason, I now experience the phenomenon Jason refers to as "turtling." Basically, picture a turtle who has fallen on his back and is struggling to right himself. I now wake up at least once a night to go to the bathroom. My stomach enters the room a good 0.4 seconds before the rest of me. Reading books with the boys in my lap is downright uncomfortable.

Movement: This baby is a mover and shaker. Or more like somersault-er and roil-er. At our last appointment he was not head down so I've really been giving him pep talks to get a move on it, to quit partying in there and get [head] down to business. I don't know if he's listening. I think he has his music on too loud.

Foods: I'm all about the fruit right now, particularly oranges. Lucas and Finley also happen to be all about the fruit as well, particularly oranges. Boundaries have been drawn. Discontentment has been expressed on both sides. We manage to still love each other.

Things I'm looking forward to: Not poking my stomach with counter corners. Lying down on my stomach. Bending over to pick something up instead of squatting. Seventeen less bathroom trips each day. Having the boys use me as a jungle gym without grunting and groaning about the all the knees and elbows digging into me. Eating a meal without wondering if I'm going to regret it. And, most of all, HAVING A SQUISHY BABY TO CUDDLE.

Baby preparation: We bought a new onesie for him, does this count? He will have a clothing item all of his own that does not have Lucas or Finley liquids embedded in the threads. I think that's prime living for the third child! We have literally done nothing else in tangible getting-ready tasks. The problem is, I'm not entirely sure what all we actually need to do. It feels wrong but maybe that's just the natural progression of things as you have each new kid. I guess we will find out once he pops his head out what we've overlooked. Whoops.

So, there you have it. Things really have been flying along. We are counting down the days until Jason's summer break [because who doesn't like Dado home ALL THE TIME FOR THREE MONTHS 🎉], but then we realize once again that his Summer Break Relaxation Break countdown is the same exact countdown as the Three Kiddo Craziness countdown. His last work-related task is on April 30th and the kumquat is due May 3rd. That's a tight squeeze right there. I can't believe we have less than 6 weeks left...

the man who makes all this possible

if you give a boy a camera...

Today, something incredible happened and I absolutely have to document it with a post.

       

Lucas has an old point and shoot camera that he fills with crooked, washed out, super close up pictures of feet and random parts of the ceiling and piles of toys on the floor. There are pictures of backs of heads, garbage cans, and unrecognizable shapes that may or may not be parts of people. There are pictures of pictures, pictures of corners of pictures, and pictures of half of me taking pictures. I have a folder on my computer called Lucas's Artography that is filled with literally thousands of Lucas's artistic/accidental/purposefully wonky captures. It's a treasure trove of What Is This?/Should I Even Take Up Space On My Computer With This One. I love it so much.

Tonight Lucas rediscovered his camera, after months of neglect on my part to recharge its battery. Whoops. So, I'm in the kitchen and I hear Lucas say, "Finley, go over to the blue chair." It was said in his classic Oldest Brother tone of voice - the very bossy, kinda demanding tone of voice that Finn doesn't always respond well to. But as I look over and am about to tell Lucas to perhaps ask Finley in a nicer way, in order to increase his chances of Finley listening to him, I see Finley walking over to the blue chair, turning around, and... posing as Lucas clicks off a picture of him. 

What.

As soon as the picture is taken, Finley walks back over to Lucas, who shows him the picture on the camera. The two of them show their approval of their shot, and then Lucas issues his next command. "Finley, go over to the big chair." Finley goes to the specified place, turns around, poses for the picture, and comes back to Lucas to assess their shot. 

What.

They do this over and over and over. Go to the green chair. The ball. The slide. The table. The black chair. The piano. The rails. It was absolutely amazing. They were so focused and serious and adorable and working as a well-oiled photography team. It was hilarious. And so sweet. And I am so gushy about it because watching them play like this made me feel all the feels. All of them. 

I love being their mom. I love watching them grow and learn and love. I cannot describe how fulfilling it is to be their mom. Sometimes I start to get lost in the raising of them and I forget to simply cherish them. And then nights like tonight happen and I'm oh so clearly reminded of how amazingly blessed I am to get to be around these munchkins every single day. They are so special and unique, and they're mine. Life is so good.

I feel this post would be incomplete without some of the actual pictures that Lucas took of model Finley. So without further ado...

so natural

just passing by

leg popped

who, me?

just a boy and his bear and his toys

your classic don't-make-eye-contact shot

even a professional can't always nail the focus and timing

you can hire this model for two "bapple" slices

How amazing are those, right? They make a great team.

And lastly, a video. Of some of the going-ons. It is my favorite video of all time. You should go watch it. It's a must see.

the milk and bean connection

Nineteen months. For nineteen months, Finley nursed between two and a baker's dozen times a day. For nineteen months, Finley and I would stare at each other in an unspoken contest of "No, I love you more." I can't speak for the bonding that occurs for the baby, but the bonding that occurs for the mom during these moments is one-of-a-kind. I count myself as immeasurably blessed that I was able to nurse Lucas for twenty-seven months [until I was 3 months pregnant with Finley] and Finley for nineteen months [until I was 6 months pregnant with this kumquat].

I knew when we were planning on our third wee one that most likely this would mean not nursing Finley for a full two years like I wanted to. I know that some moms are able to keep their supply up and their baby interested in the ever changing tastes of the milk during pregnancy, but I knew that was not a guarantee. I knew it was likely that this pregnancy would be a natural catalyst for weaning Finley. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but this was definitely one of the big "well, maybe we should hold off for a while longer then" issues for me. But we decided to go with it anyway and I just knew I needed to treasure each nursing session throughout this pregnancy as I would never know which time would be the last. 

The last time he would pat my chest approvingly as he happily sucked away.

The last time he would try to grab my hair dangling in his face.

The last time he would curl his ice cold hands in the oh so warm space between our bellies. 

The last time he would enthusiastically clap after drinking his fill.
The last time he would somehow manage to giggle and grin all without losing his latch.

The last time.

And yet the last time came and I can't say I was 100% ready for it. In some ways I was ready. Because, just realistically, the further along I got in this pregnancy and the bigger my stomach grew and the older/stronger/wigglier Finley became, the more difficult/bothersome/tiring it was to get those daily nursing sessions in. So yes, in some ways, I was ready to be done and I had to fight the guiltiness that came with feeling ready. But honestly? I didn't want to be done. I wanted to give him two years of me and him moments. I wanted him to be my baby for just that much longer. I wanted to delay this seemingly irrational "he no longer needs me" melancholy.

I know it's silly to feel like he no longer needs me. I know he hasn't "needed" the milk for a while. And I fully know, trust me, that he does indeed need me in every other way [he needs me to put on his hat right now, dance with him right now, pick up that piece of fuzz right now before it moves again, make him his lunch bowl before he starves to death, etc]. But it's all part of this mom business, this weird moment of grieving that your baby cannot be attached to you [both literally and figuratively] as much as you want for as long as you want. They need to grow. They have to grow. And there's nothing you can do about it but mourn in the moment and learn to embrace the never-stopping future.

So for now I'll allow myself a good cry, some irrational thoughts, and some extra chocolate. And then I have a little less than three months until the new little kumquat arrives in all his squishy, milk-sucking, literally-needs-all-the-things baby glory and I'll strap in for the crazy ride of three little boys.

We were discussing things we needed to do before May at dinner the other day [ie. everything] and this gem of an exchange happened:

Me: "I need to make big batches of black beans and put them in the freezer for when the baby comes."

Lucas: "Yeah, and when the baby comes, you need to make BIG batches of milk in your boobs!"

I have taken care of the big batches of beans [thank you, instant pot] and our freezer is a bean haven just waiting to be plundered post-baby. And now, thanks to Finley, I will begin work on the big batches of milk for the kumquat in May. So life strolls along as it should.

my little milk baby [he brought this upon himself, promise]

new year, new post

I have simple desires and I'm not a very ambitious person. While this admittedly sometimes has a negative side [ie. the daily state of my house], it really works for me when it comes to the first day of a new year and all of the ever optimistic resolution making that often goes along with it. Some may call it aiming low - I call it setting myself up for success.

Goals/resolutions/fingers-crossed hopes for 2019:

• Cook some napa cabbage
• Lotion my hands more
• Easily slide another human being out of my uterus
• Write another post before May
• Teach a 4-year-old to wipe his own bottom
• Eat at a new restaurant
• Read 100 mediocre books
• More spaghetti nights
• Let Jason dust the house once this year
• Teach 1-year-old to say something. Anything. 
• Resist buying more wrapping paper

Stretch goals for 2019:

• Transition from hand washing dishes to using a dishwasher
• Trick my kids into liking eggs
• Increase my showered-to-unshowered days ratio
• Embrace the present
• Focus on gratitude

goodbye 2018 - hello year of how-is-it-almost-2020

Some things I am not good at

Some things I am evidently not good at:

• Writing regular blog posts. The last one I wrote that was not part of the 10-year anniversary series was when Finley was born.
• Phone surgery. The battery in my phone died (really died, as in full-charge-lasts-4-minutes dead), and as with many recent phones it was not accessible. For my particular phone, the only way to access the battery is to:
• Use a heat gun to melt the adhesive holding the screen on.
• Use a suction cup to pull said screen off.
• Use special phone repair tools to disconnect the screen from the circuit board.
• Unscrew about 20 tiny screws.
• Pop out the big metal thing covering the battery and circuit board.
• Replace the battery
• Reverse all that, except the adhesive, which is melted.
• Use special super thin tape phone repair adhesive to reattach the screen.
You can watch someone do it correctly here. I actually thought it had gone well, since I didn't crack the screen (the most common mistake in the process, apparently), but once it was all hooked up again the screen no longer worked. It was pretty disappointing. The battery worked, though! I did that part right. The phone can now last all day. It can receive texts and calls. You just can't see or answer them. Or do anything else.
To punish myself for this failure, I have been using family members' old phones since August. I have my dad's old iPhone 4S and my brother's old Samsung Galaxy S3. They are from late 2011 and early 2012, respectively. I have learned a great deal of patience.
• Growing head hair. This just goes without saying.

Things I am thankful for:

• My lovely wife.
• My two silly boys.
• The new little kumquat on the way.
• The rest of my awesome family (the ones who don't live at my house).
• All of my material needs are met.
• Most of my material wants are met. I even got a good Black Friday deal on a new phone.

aging

Fall is upon us. I approve of this. Time keeps chugging along.

Speaking of time, Jason is now the ripe old age of 33. I always enjoy the seven month period where he is a whole number older than me. He continues to improve on his crotchety old man-isms in keeping with his lifelong dream of one day owning a rocking chair and cane and handing out tiny bags of pebbles to small children who dare ring the bell of our unlit house on October 31st. He likes to think that, despite that, he will be able to keep up with all the tech and gadgets of the youths of 2050. However, since he's already writing off so many things these days as things not worth his time [read: any piece of tech that seems silly to him and every social media platform newer than Facebook], I fear he is destined to the same inevitable fate of everyone else who reaches the 65-year-old mark: technological obsolete-ism. It's okay, love, I'll be right there with you and we will be blissfully content with our outdated device/knowledge and only a little bit bitter about how we ended up in the exact place we promised we would never be.

Sometimes I feel like I need to make an actual effort to stay connected with the times [how old does this make me sound? ugh]. I do eat avocado on toast, but I've done that for two decades. I try not to grimace when I'm in a store playing pop music. I even joined Instagram a long, long while ago, but then I never did anything with the account because I got overwhelmed by how pushy and creeper-ish it felt to go and "follow" people without them expressing interest in being followed by me. Sometimes I open up the app. I get up the gumption and decide to give it one more go. But then I see the tiled page of random pictures and videos of strangers I don't know/don't care to know and realize I'm still not ready. I'll get there one day. My pre-33rd-birthday bucket list: Be brave and follow more than 2 people on Instagram. Take that, my crotchety self!

Moving on down the line, we come to Lucas. Now, talk about a kid who is older than his years. This kid. He keeps growing and maturing and amazing us with his sheer awesomeness. Among the things I find most impressive about him is all the things he can do with a writing utensil. He loves to write and draw. We gave him a notebook to doodle in anytime he's in his room and it is a treasure trove of awesome. It has hand drawn maps of countries, street maps, art, connect the dot pictures, color by number pictures, random musings, and keys and legends galore. It is amazing. I love getting a glimpse inside of his quirky little mind! His handwriting and spelling seem so beyond a just barely 4-year-old. He can write small and neatly, or big and kid-like. He likes to spell everything correctly [he can spell legit words like excitement and scratching and everybody and jumper and meanwhile and birthday... and the list goes on] but also loves to make up new words in other languages. I taught him how to play Hangman the other day and gave him easy words like "Big Bear" and "pickle." And then on his turn he did "asaot" which apparently is "a made-up Chinese word that means lizard" and "T'dontengi" which, obviously, means "help" in "made-up Indian." What am I supposed to do with that? I love my boy so much.

Finley is his own little man. He is 16 months of energy and grunts and drool. He loves dancing if he even suspects there might be something musical in the air. He cannot get enough of Lucas, which Lucas enjoys 10% of the time, tolerates 30% of the time, and gets annoyed by 60% of the time. He is much rougher than Lucas, though this may just be the lack of awareness that comes with being a baby. We will see how that plays out. I suspect it will continue on as it has been going... I find it interesting how much Lucas as a baby has translated to Lucas as a kid, and I am quite looking forward to seeing if this will be the case for Finley. Because, if so, our house is going to be SO lively. Finley is not making much effort in the talking arena. He is in a really awesome book phase. He thinks the only kind of bear is a panda bear and does not recognize a normal old brown bear as a bear. He is obsessed with food right now. He is still pretty lacking in the hair department and every other day I find Jason sadly/encouragingly stroking Finn's hair, quietly coaxing/asking it to grow more. A dad and his boy, bonding over their under performing hair follicles...

So, this is us. We're all getting older and whatnot. Life continues to happen even when blog posts don't. Go figure.

summer conversations

It has officially been forever since our last post. Summer got away from us. Apologies.

Now I'm left with the ever so sticky conundrum of how to best go about blogging again. After such a long absence, should I "catch up" with everything that has occurred since our last post? Or should I pretend that there hasn't been a giant gap and post as if all of our summer--ing is already known? Or... should I just list off a bunch of quotes I've collected and call it a day? Yeah, let's go with option 3. Good plan, me.

Only one statue
*An image of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil pops up on a TV at Costco*
Me: "Hey, Lucas, who do you think that is a statue of?"
Lucas: "...Liberty?"

No groove
Lucas: "Why don't you know how to boogie?"

Life truth
Jason, summing up conversation 3,824 about making good choices: "When you're an adult, your whole life is your consequence."

Outlook
Lucas: "Every day is a brand new story." ❤️

Medieval
Jason: "There are no exciting transport solutions except trebuchets."

Sympathy
Lucas, sadly: "I just wish Daddy had hair."
Me: "Why?"
Lucas: "Because Daddy does."

Culinary genius
Lucas: "I made a restaurant. It sells pizza and hand burgers."
Me: "Hand burgers..?"
Lucas: "Yes. Hand burgers."
Me: "Why do you think they're called hand burgers?"
Lucas: "Because you eat them with your hands..?"

Progeny
Me, bemoaning yet another baby mentally heading off to college (read: learning how to walk): "What will I do when I don't have any more babies??"
Lucas: "Well, you, you could just have a tenth baby."

Applesauce cake
Me: "So, did you enjoy your dinner?"
Lucas: "Yes, yes, I did."
Me: "What was your favorite part?"
Lucas: "Well, um, it was all pretty tasty, but yeah, the cake. Definitely the cake."

Bowing
Me: "I love how Finley nods all the way down to his waist."
Jason: "Well, he IS Asian."

Baby geography
Finley: *sounds like he says the word rabbit*
Lucas: "Finley said 'rah-bot'!"
Me: "Yeah, it did sound like he said rabbit!"
Lucas: "No, not RAB-bit. Rah-BOT. The capital of Morocco."

Friendship
Lucas: "Big Bear and Big Lion are best friends even though they're different."

Self-awareness
Jason: "I wouldn't have been a very good 17th century woman."

Perspective
Lucas: "Big Bear, when you touch me, it makes me feel like I have fur too."

AND MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE QUOTE...
Lucas: "Wouldn't it be funny if the meat chicken and the animal chicken were the same thing?" [I cannot remember what I told him because I was just dying laughing.]

So there you have it. Bits and pieces of our summer. Jason is now back at it with math-ing his students and trying to lovingly bring his lawn back to life. Lucas is creating his own street maps, color by number pictures, and dot-to-dots. Finley is pointing at everything, trying to climb everything with his still-too-stumpy legs, and absolutely refusing to say mama. I am trying to be more organized [HA] and that is taking all of my time and energy so that's about it for me. Oh! And I grew a tomato. And! I gave both boys a bath today all by myself. First time ever. Don't laugh at me - I feel so responsible and productive. I am pretty impressed with Mom-Me.

Life is in a really good groove right now. The boys are at fun, pretty easy ages. Jason's semester is as ideal as one could wish for. We have a lot of dance parties. And Fall is right around the corner. Life is good.

I need to go put some sweet potatoes in the oven.

brotherly choke hugs

the Finn Review

Dear Finley,

You are one. You are joy. You are mine.

I love the way your thighs are ticklish. And your armpits. And your knees. And the back of your neck.

I love the way you kiss, mouth wide open and with an emphatic "muah!" My knees and forearms have never felt so loved.

I love the way you look straight at me while you very deliberately pick up a piece of food, hold it out over the floor, and drop it. You never do it with pear though. That's edible gold.

I love the way you excitedly bounce yourself across the floor or sway back and forth until you fall over as soon as you hear music. 

I love the way you get excited at the end of a book. The construction trucks made an adventure playground again? The gorilla snuck back into the bed again? You never seem to see it coming.

I love the way you'll finish nursing, roll onto your back, and start clapping. It makes me feel like a million bucks.

I love the way you can completely change my mood with just a smile or a sound or a look. 

I prayed for a baby who would be content, joy-filled, and a good sleeper. Two out of three isn't bad at all. 

I love you, my little Finn. You are special beyond belief. 

Love,

Mama

10 bad guesses and 10 bad clues

Well, things got a little hectic at the end of the semester and then we went in vacation, so I didn't finish this as soon as I was supposed to. Still, now it's time for my interpretations of what Sharayah might have meant by the ten nouns she claimed describe me. I really tried, but most of the time I had no idea and just gave whatever idea made me chuckle to myself.

1. Boiling water - A watched pot never boils, but sure enough if you look away there is soon boiling water doing whatever it is you needed boiling water for. I think maybe this means that at first glance it doesn't seem like I do much, but somehow when you look away I get tons of things done.

2. Celery - Not very good on its own but ok added to a good soup or something. Insubstantial but adds flavor. I don't know how this applies to me.

3. Cuckoo clock - Dependable (predictable?) but a little eccentric (or annoying?).

4. Pickwick Papers - I'm ashamed that I don't know enough to get how the literary reference applies. I know it's a Dickens book, but I haven't read it. I know Sharayah thinks it's really funny. Let's just say this one means smart and funny.

5. Costco's 93-inch bear - Impressive to look at, but not worth the expense.

6. Female elephant - She won't tell me why it has to be a female elephant. She won't even tell me if it matters for the explanation. It can't be that "elephants never forget," because I definitely have the absentminded professor thing going on. I'm really stuck on this one. Large nose?

7. Onion - I saw this one and said, "I have layers? Like an ogre?" I was met with blank stares, so I continued, "Like in Shrek?" More blank stares. So probably that's not the reference she was making. I make you cry but not because you're sad? That doesn't sound good.

8. Antivirus software - I protect you, but I'm always pestering you to upgrade me to the premium version.

9. White vinegar - Very useful for a wide variety of applications. Kind of gross smelling. I don't like this one.

10. Toilet paper - This is pretty weird. Toilet paper is for cleaning your bum and not much else. I guess I do clean a lot of bums in this house.

That devolved pretty quickly. I don't think I got any of them right.

Next are my 10 nouns for Sharayah. These are all used as nouns here even when the more common meaning is an adjective.

Vine
Garlic
Math
Hummingbird
Self-help book
Alfred Pennyworth
Lemon
Boxer crab
Gladiolus
Integral

nine plus ten

At the end of every day I find myself completely blanking on the three dozen hilarious things that Lucas said that day. This bothers me so much. I try to jot them down somewhere. I try to make a mental note that will trigger the memory later on. But alas. Of the 142 things that I wanted to remember, I have managed to write down... 9 of them. Sigh.

I am going to make yet another concerted effort to remember more, but in the meantime, I feel as if I might as well share the 9 that did stick with me. So here goes..

Bathroom brainstorming:
Me: "Are you done going to the bathroom or do you have more?"
Lucas: "Mommy, maybe we should brainstorm some more."
Me: "Brainstorm about what?"
Lucas: "We need to brainstorm some more about if I am done or not. We should do some more thinking."
Me: "...I don't think I can help with that."
*Lucas places his hand on my shoulder and leans his head in close to my face*
Lucas: "Let's do some thinking, Mommy."

Book snoring:
*Lucas is running around the room making a "zzzzzzz" sound*
Me: "Are you pretending to be a bee?"
Lucas: "Um, no. Bees don't say 'zzzzzz.' People sleeping do."

Toy sharing:
*Lucas and Finley start fussing*
Me: "What's going on, boys? You need to play nicely with each other."
Lucas: "Finley has the button!"
Me: "It's okay if he plays with that button. You can play with one of the other buttons or wait until he's done with that one."
Lucas: "But... Finley tried to give the button to me but he accidentally gave it to himself!"

Superheroes:
*trying to explain who Captain America is*
Me: "He's a superhero. He fights bad guys."
Lucas: "But, but heroes don't fight. They are HEROES. They rescue people."

Introducing Disney movies:
Lucas: "Wall-E sounds like the capital of North Carolina."

Cooking:
*Lucas is stirring up some concoction in his pot*
Lucas: "Then you put in some soda..."
Me: "Soda? What's soda?"
Lucas: "Baking soda!"

Deep thoughts:
Me: "So what would you like to talk about?"
Lucas: "Well, if I found a big pile of dirt... I would dig in it to see if Finley was under it and then I would rescue him and help him out."
Me: "...why would Finley be under a pile of dirt?"
Lucas: "Anything could be under a pile of dirt."

Language arts:
*Jason is talking about a book he's reading*
Me: "How's the language?"
Jason: "Um... Slight."
Lucas, the ever listening: "How do you speak in slight?"

Naming schemes:
Lucas: "Why is it called toilet paper?"
Jason: "It's like paper and you use it on the toilet."
Lucas: "Well then... why isn't soap called bathroom bubbles?"

Welcome to the mind of Lucas!

Switching gears now, here's how the next round of our Ten themed posts are going down. [WE ARE GETTING SO CLOSE TO ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA/the end of these excessive posts.] Jason chose the topic of Nouns, so nouns it will be. We will each compile a list of ten (obviously) nouns that we think describe the other person. That person will then have the chance to figure out what is meant by these descriptive nouns before the "real" answers are given. It may sound confusing, so let's cut to the chase and get to my list of ten nouns. Apparently I'm going first since someone was supposedly too busy with work and life responsibilities to come up with his ten words. *ahem*

Ten Nouns Describing Jason
- Boiling water
- Celery
- Cuckoo clock
- Pickwick Papers
- Costco's 93-inch bear
- Female elephant
- Onion
- Antivirus software
- White vinegar
- Toilet paper

So there you have it. Perfection. Jason will attempt to interpret these nouns for himself as well as give his list of ten for me in his next post. This is going to be good, you guys. Solidly mediocre entertainment!

Round 1: GUESS WHO?

Answer: "I'm Captain America!"

Round 2: GUESS WHO?

Answer: "I'm a salamander pretending to be an upside down walrus!"