somehow made it through

Well, year one of PhD school is over and vacation is upon us. I wasn't sure if I would make it through, but it seems I'm still in one piece. I feel like I'm having a very different reaction to the experience of a PhD program compared to my fellow first year students. I hear a lot about how it's too hard, or this or that professor is ridiculous for expecting us to know something. Now, I won't say that this year wasn't stupid hard. In fact, I spend most of the time feeling like I definitely am stupid. But that's the thing. Whenever it's amazingly hard, and I think "wow, this is nearly impossible, can anyone actually make it through this?" I'm not really thinking they should make the class easier, I'm just thinking that I might not be smart enough. I mean, one of my classes, I think, wasn't taught very well, and that, I know, is not my fault. But for the most part, I think maybe it's supposed to be this hard. I think about the level of mastery that the professors have. We're supposed to become equals with them by the time we're done. So I don't know. Maybe there really is no difference. All of us are saying it's stupid how hard it is. And no one is as different as they think they are. I just think that in general, my disappointment is in myself for not succeeding at the level I thought I could, instead of in the professors for not making a fair exam.

Also, did you know that there is a grade that is an "A-", and that it is a thing that you can get on your transcript, and it is different than an A? That's bizarre to me. Anyway, I think with just one of those I can still say I got all A's, right? It's not like it's a B. Right. That's my story.

DUDE. We get to see Marth tomorrow. He lives between here and Williamsburg, so we're meeting for lunch. You are jealous.

Then we start our awesome vacation. We'll try to post about it as we go so you can all feel left out that you're not here. We are that nice.

On that note, I have some packing to do.

when everything falls apart