an explosion of things

Oh boy. My collection of conversation bits has gotten out of hand. I blame Sebastian for being a third tiny human to take care of, leaving less time to blog the bits more frequently. I also blame Finley for learning how to talk and say hilarious things and doubling the number of things I want to jot down and remember forever. I also blame Lucas, just because it feels unfair to leave him out.

Okay, with all that blame appropriately assigned and out of the way, it's time to get to the good stuff. This is 9 months of stuff, so perhaps the considerate/smart thing to do would be split it up into two posts. But that would mean remembering to come back and make a second post... And we all know that won't be happening [see above blame] so...

Life in the Vermette Household Through the Lens of [an absurd amount of] Four Second Sound Bites, go!

*************

Lucas, huffing and puffing: "I'm trying to catch up with my breath."

Lucas: "Finley, when you grow up and have kids, don't tell them that's what an octopus sounds like."

Jason: "There's still some jerky in his bellybutton if you want some."

Jason: "I'm pretty sure contracts pre-marriage are still enforceable."

Lucas: "Do you think European babies cry differently?"

Finley, examining his kangaroo animal cracker: "Hop hop."
Finley, biting off the kangaroo head: "No more hop."

Jason, shaking his head and muttering: "Ugh, it's just chaos..."

Jason: "Stop touching that."
Lucas: "Even with things that aren't my hands?"

Lucas: "Some fun things lead to un-fun things, like washing hands."

Me: "Was there pandemonium?"
Lucas: "...what's monium?"

Lucas: "I feel like I have glitter on my tongue."

Lucas: "I can't hula hoop my whole life. I have other things to do, like eat and sleep and other things like that. If I don't sleep, I don't grow!"

Jason: "Who will go first?"
Lucas: "Me!"
Jason: "You went first last game AND you went last on the last game."
Lucas: "Okay... Then I'll go third."
Jason: "...it's a 2-player game."

Jason: "I don't think anyone named Edith has ever stolen a pie."

Me: "Oh the humanity!"
Lucas: "Oh the huge manatee!"

Jason: "What if squats were called scoots but everything else in the universe was the same?"

Lucas: "Well, I woke up at 6:16 and went pee. Then I went back to sleep until 6:24. Then me and Big Bear explored pandas. And then we got up at 6:34."

Lucas: "I KNOW what dramatic means, but I'M NOT DRAMATIC."

Lucas: "I'm fast as lightning! And tired as a monkey."

Me: "Finley, you're just going to town on your breakfast."
Finley: "Me town breakfast. Mommy town breakfast. Daddy town breakfast."
Lucas: "I only go to town on the road."
Finley: "Geegee town road."

Me: "Or I could have a chalkboard."
Jason: "No. You cannot have a chalkboard. I forbid it. If you buy one, I'm throwing it out at the curb."

Jason: "Okay, boys, Daddy needs to go pee so don't get in a fight while I'm gone."

Finley: "Geegee, me turtle gone. Me turtle go? Geegee, me turtle go?"
Lucas: "You'll have to find him yourself."
Finley: "No, Daddy find me turtle."
Lucas: "Well then you'll have to ask him and see if he wants to."
Finley: "Daaaaadddddy. Me turtle go? Me turtle gone. Daaaaadddddy."

Lucas, asking for a round tortilla chip: "May I please have one of those edible heads?"

Lucas: "Finley, you know how Big Bear is my favorite toy, but I will let you hold him if you let me hold the panda bear that you have."

Lucas: "I wish my whole life could be playing, eating, and running! And growing... I guess."

Finley: "Yucky booger me got."

Jason: "It wouldn't be very satisfying to stuff a bunch of Cheerios down my throat."

Finley: "Daddy, fall into the ball pit, please."

Jason: "You're my Walmart girl."

Jason: "Is that man running with a fanny pack??"

Lucas: "...that's because you drink COW milk, Daddy, not MOMMY milk."

Me, to Lucas in the bathroom: "Are you done yet?"
Lucas: "Um... yes. But how did you not already know?"
Me: "How would I know if you were done?"
Lucas: "Because you're, like, the pee tracker."

Lucas: "What's the most magical thing about birthdays?"
Me: "What?"
Lucas: "The pin-tada! Because a pinata is an animal that you burst open to get candy in holidays and birthdays and "tada!" is something you say when something happens."

Lucas: "Almost everything except poop starts off small and gets bigger. A baby koala is smaller than a five cent coin."

Lucas: "I like how Finley says 'Why take apart it?'"

Jason: "Lucas has a nature jar - you can have a hair jar. I'm just going to say, though, that's pretty weird."

Lucas: "Well, in skip year..."
Me: "...is skip year something like leap year?"
Lucas: "Oh. Leap year. That's what I meant."

Jason, after putting the boys to bed: "I feel like I might have told them Merry Christmas instead of goodnight..."
Me: "Yep, you definitely did."

Me: "How do you like the cornbread?"
Lucas: "You know how I like burritos just below pandas? This cornbread is the same amount of space below burritos that burritos are from pandas."
Me: "Wow. And how much space IS between pandas and burritos?"
Lucas: "Not much."

Jason: "Half of being a parent is forgetting you need to pee for two hours."

Lucas, singing one his original songs: "🎶God is preparing a place for me. He is the only God that is real. Some people may worship other gods, but I only praise Him.🎶"

Finley, climbing onto his giraffe: "Me go to work now."
Me: "Hope you have a good day at work! What kind of work do you do?"
Finley: "Me work like Daddy - me eat lunch at work and me play with tissues at work and sometimes me play in a barn at work."

Lucas: "Sebi is a funny little honey bunny. Especially when he poops somewhere he's not supposed to."

Lucas: "I'm laying eggs everywhere! When they hatch, they'll be cabies - half cub, half baby; half human, half bear."

Lucas: "Do you know what a chipmunk is?"
Finley: "It's kinda like a beaver."
Lucas: "No... not exactly."
Finley: "...kinda like a baby beaver?"
Lucas: "Well. Maybe."

Finley: "I'm peeing in my diaper!"
Lucas: "DADDY, FINLEY IS PEEING IN HIS DIAPER!"
Finley: "It's gone now."
Lucas: "It's gone now? Well, that doesn't mean you don't have pee. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean you don't have any pee. Maybe you just don't feel it but you still have pee."
Finley: "Go to sleep, Wucas. My pee is gone."

Jason: "The last time you smelled poop, it was bacon."

Lucas: "Don't look, Mommy."
Finley: "No, Wucas! Don't talk to Mommy."
Lucas: "Why not?"
Finley: "Because you're a kid."
Lucas: "You're a kid too."
Finley: "No! I'm not!"
Lucas: "Okay, then what are you?"
Finley: "I'm A FINN."

Finley, examining everyone's ears with an otoscope: "Hmm... It smells good. No hairs."

Jason: "I didn't think I would fall out of bed. I just didn't know where my pool noodle was."

Lucas: "Look what I made! It's a platypus pretending to eat a fish so it can look like a walrus narwhal."

Lucas: "Daddy is VERY smart and he knows a lot of things, but some things he just doesn't seem to know. For example, sometimes you can't just TRY, you have to DO."

Finley: "That's my eye booger."
Lucas: "You mean, eye wax?"

Jason, having run some errands with Sebi in tow: "We got some compliments while we were at the store."
Lucas: "...did people say Sebi was cute or did they say YOU were cute?"

Lucas, wanting to ask Jason one more question at bedtime: "Daaadddddy!"
Finley, having just been taken to the bathroom by Jason for the third time in as many minutes: "He's not coming back, Wucas. He's tired."

Finley: "On the first day of Christmas, I gave to me..!"

Lucas: "What is that?"
Finley: "It's my Lego flying duck."
Lucas: "But all ducks can fly."
Finley: "Yeah."
Lucas: "So... it's just a duck."

Lucas: "Nevermind means they don't need to talk to you anymore."

Finley: "It's time to go to sleep."
Lucas: "What are you going to do?"
Finley: "I'm not going to do nothing."
Lucas: " So... you're going to do... something?"
Finley: "No, I'm going to stop talking."
Lucas: "...and what else will you do?"
Finley: "Not close my eyes, that's for sure."

Finley: "I'm a Finn."
Jason: "What's a Finn?"
Finley: "It's a kind of a boy."

Me: "Do you think all men are like that?"
Jason: "I just don't think all women are like you."

Finley: "Go back into your hole, Wucas."

Lucas: "What's a gene pool?"
Jason: "Well, a gene is-."
Lucas: "I know what a GENE is."
Jason: "Well, you're five! I don't know what you know!"
Lucas: "A gene is what controls what you look like."
Jason: "That's... right."

Lucas: "When can I have my animals back?"
Finley: "When I'm born."
Lucas: "You've always been born for the whole time you've been alive. Since you are alive right now, then you are already born."
Finley: "I don't think so, Wucas."

Sebastian: "Bwah!"
Finley: "Are you a sheep, Sebi?"

Finley: "When I cough, hiccups come out."

*************

Whew. If you made it through that, you are either related to us or are having a really, really, really slow Thursday night. Or both.

I hope you enjoyed hearing 0.00003% of the nonsense that is spoken around here. Now go and have an intelligent conversation with another adult. It will help you recover.

it's never too early to introduce elephants to your baby brother

this chapter of life

Last year, conveniently at the beginning of the year, Lucas started announcing what that day's "Chapter of Life" was called. I don't know where he came up with the idea. I didn't know how long he would continue this trend. But I, being the documentarian/documentist/documenter that I am, started jotting them down. You have no idea how pleased I was that he did it for the entire year, more or less. Every day didn't get a title. Sometimes a couple of weeks would go by chapterless-ly. But then, with seemingly no rhyme or reason, he would suddenly declare a new Chapter of Life!

So, here is a glimpse, a recap if you will, of Lucas's 2019.

This chapter of life is called...
01.25: musician Finley
01.27: the very very busy day
01.29: the very windy GUP crashing day
02.11: the bear tangle
02.12: the surprise
02.14: the heart monsters
02.16: the vitamin stacking show
02.17: the negative freeze
02.18: the zoom vipers
02.21: the panda show
02.22: the exploding octopod
02.27: the bear hunt
02.28: the surprise after breakfast
03.04: the tow truck smash
03.05: the big-footed little goo
03.06: the bear mess
03.07: the boys who like to eat parallelograms
03.11: the sharks on tails
03.12: the balloon dance
03.13: trains galore
03.15: the ginormous car mess
03.16: the bears in jails
03.18: the climbing pandas who eat sandwiches
03.22: the walk
03.23: Big Bear's song
03.24: the boys and the bears and the balls
03.27: the three ups trucks
03.28: the ship
03.29: Big Bear and the slide
03.29: the jungle gym daddy
03.31: monster Lucas
04.02: the fox brother
04.03: the unexpected pig at breakfast
04.04: the thousand invisible monsters
04.05: the cars, the bears, and the baby in the chair
04.07: pushing Daddy
04.09: Finley the cat
04.10: the nature walk and the garbage truck
04.12: the very heavy bucket
04.14: planes galore!
04.18: Lucas and the string
04.20: Lucas and Finley clean the floor with cars
04.21: Lucas's first Dr Seuss book
04.24: the really fast dancers
04.25: the beautiful picture
04.27: the unexpected visitors
04.29: the ball snowman
05.01: the car seat fight
05.03: the most exciting times
05.04: the pandas drink too much water
05.05: "There are some monsters-. Wait, where did they go?"
05.12: the second missing Lucas
05.19: the mystery sound part 2/feathers galore part 1
05.20: the mystery sound part 3/feathers galore part 2
05.22: Big Bear and the obstacle course
05.23: the echo part 3 - the one where Furball feels unloved
05.30: Big Bear has grown
05.31: the mystery of the whooshing blurs
06.01: the meowing jar
06.05: Big Bear teaches Lucas how to read cat language messages
06.06: the pearl chase
06.10: the walking hat
06.11: cleaning the floor with cars again
06.15: the... running foods?
06.17: the hula hooping contest
06.20: Lucas and Finley and the fish
06.22: a sleepy tale
06.24: lots of mysteries
07.02: the very weird butterflies
07.04: the ball chase
07.05: the mischievous mouse
07.07: the earthquake
07.08: the tornado part 2
07.09: the running speck of dust - where the mischievous mouse is caught
07.10: Lucas-tastrophe!
07.17: Big Bear's baseball
07.19: the treasure part 1
07.21: the crashing lot
07.24: big poop, small poop, balloon poop..? all poop
07.29: the case of the missing fly fruit
07.30: the meowy sucking machine
08.04: the tangled squid - the one where Big Bear gets poisoned by the poison thing and Peso gets a squid all tangled up in bandages
08.09: the recipe
08.10: the ball mess
08.12: the alert
08.17: my sweet... smoke?
08.19: the two spies
08.22: the case of the missing mudskipper
08.24: the green upstairs
08.29: the runaway giraffe
08.30: the animal chase
09.12: the mess and the mice
09.15: the crumby mess
09.17: the splat-icane
09.18: the flood
09.20: the syrup-y splotch
09.21: the galaxy flooded with fishy biscuits part 1
10.07: the big tangle and the very noisy day
10.10: the house destruction
10.11: the mess soup robber
10.13: the second hurricane
10.15: the second hurricane part 2 and 3 and the house destruction part 2
10.16: the moon disaster
10.21: the truffula problem
10.24: the moon hurricane
10.25: the glump destruction
10.31: the creature's poisons everywhere
11.01: activate octobears?
11.03: the dirt and dye paintings
11.04: the seashore assembly
11.05: too many animals
11.06: the destruction
11.08: silly songs with Lucas and Finley, featuring Big Bear
11.11: the poison factory (the poisonous creatures wrote this)
11.14: operation moon
11.15: operation moon part 2
11.16: Big Bear's contraption part 1 and 2
11.17: Little Dog's mischief machine
12.10: the plan
12.18: the mischief tiger part 1

So there you go. Congratulations if you made it through. You now have a pretty accurate look into the mind of a 4/5-year-old and it is possibly the most unique tribute to 2019 you'll ever come across.

I love, so much, the way this kid's mind works. Some days I never quite know what is going on in there. Other days, I can predict to the moment what he's going to say when. He is such a fascinating mix of creativity/silliness and reason/precision, and I love him quite a bit.

Lucas, may your 2020 be even more ridiculous than your 2019!

A decade happened

Ok, I will participate in the delusion that decades go from 0 to 9 instead of 1 to 0. I will pretend there was a year 0, just for you. (Actually, I am ok with counting decades from 0 to 9 because that way they all have the same 10s digit and it looks nice and can be referred to more easily. It just makes me kind of sad for the first decade AD in which there were only 9 years, since there was no year 0).

Since I have blogged all of 2 times this year, I have been given the task of writing the end-of-year, end-of-decade summary post. Sharayah gave me the idea of listing of some of the major events over the last 10 years. We were married this entire decade, you guys!

2010: I finished my Master's at TU and Sharayah finished her Bachelor's at ORU. We gallivanted all over the country visiting possible PhD schools where I'd been accepted. We moved from Tulsa to Delaware to start my PhD program there. We tried to buy 4 houses but ended up in an apartment that we really liked. We went to NYC for the Thanksgiving parade and stayed up all night on the streets.

2011: We started this blog. We became ping pong masters (actually, only Sharayah did). We lost Amber. I first started seriously studying graph theory and which graphs are determined by their spectrum. Sharayah started her medical transcription job.

2012: We got the seedlings for the two trees we planted (which are still growing in our yard! We had them in planters in Delaware and moved them with us to Missouri, where we planted them in our back yard. Sharayah's is about 8 feet tall now.). We (and the tiny trees) survived our first hurricane (which was just a lot of wind and rain where we were, no property damage). I taught my first full class as the official instructor.

2013: We went on our amazing 5-year-anniversary cruise. We went on our 26-hour road trip to Wyoming for a 2-week summer math conference that I attended. We got super sick for weeks when we got home, so we ate a lot of TV dinners and watched Merlin. We wrote a ton of blog posts. At the very end of the year, we created something life-changing.

2014: We pretended for a long time that everything was still the same. Eventually we revealed grainy pictures of the life-changing thing we made. We waited a lot for the life-changing thing. We prepared ourselves (as if that's something you can do). We wrote a ton of blog posts again. I finished most of the research for my dissertation (though I hadn't written it yet). Lucas was born.

2015: We continued life with a baby. We wrote far fewer blog posts. I finished my dissertation in the wee hours of the night between diaper changes. I got my PhD and we moved to Missouri for my new teaching job at MBU. We bought a house and moved in. Time continued moving quickly.

2016: My parents took us (and their other kids and kids' spouses) on a cruise. Big Bear got his name. Work kept me super busy the first couple years in the evenings doing lesson planning. The blog posts started being mostly only from Sharayah.

2017: Finley was born. Life became that much more chaotic and busy. I only wrote 2 blog posts (so I guess I beat that this year!). We barely slept for months courtesy of Finley. He was an easier baby in almost every way, but night sleep was awful for a long time. We went to Branson 3 times. We watched Lucas turn from a baby into a big kid overnight. It's hard to describe a lot of the complex emotions that go through my head while being a dad (whereas normally I'm so good with emotion...?) I love that Lucas and Finley are friends, and I think kids should have siblings when possible, but I spent a lot of time in 2017 (and from time to time since then) feeling like we robbed Lucas of something by bringing someone else in to take some of our attention. But, we adjusted to life as a family of 4.

2018: We went to Disney for our 10-year anniversary. The kids don't remember it. We started and didn't finish a cool series of anniversary blogs posts. I bricked my phone changing the battery. The boys grew into something resembling friendship. Finley adored Lucas and Lucas tolerated Finley. We decided two kids was not so difficult. Maybe we could handle another.

2019: Sebastian was born. Two kids is not chaos. Three kids is chaos. There are just kids all over the place. We went to Branson and slept Lucas and Finley in the same room. We just pulled the big mattress off the bed onto the floor and had them both sleep there. Watching the two of them talk and go to sleep in the same room on the monitor caused very strange feelings. We know I'm not good at describing emotions. I honestly couldn't tell you what I felt but it was a mix of a lot of things. I was really happy for their friendship and proud for some reason that they took to it pretty well. I also had those really sad end-of-an-era feelings. Lucas started informal homeschooling (he won't even be old enough for kindergarten until next year) and has done really well. I can't believe the things he knows and understands at such a young age. Finley still emulates Lucas at every turn but has also developed his own likes and personality. Sebi finally started crawling forward today (usually he just uses a combination of rolling and crawling backwards to get around, or not get around, as the case may be). He also sat up from lying down on his own, but it may have been a fluke. Then, finally, I wrote a blog post.

It's been quite a decade. Some years are stuffed full of lots of memories. Some years we were just kind of cruising along, living. I am filled with gratitude that my life is full of so much love. I can't imagine life without my family. Being a dad is incredibly difficult and time-consuming. Sometimes I feel like my responsibilities are eating me alive. But I wouldn't trade it. Life with Sharayah and the people we make is the best life there is. Here's to the 2020s being just as action-packed (although maybe I'll try to actually blog more than 3 times per year again).

the spirit of Christmas

It was one of those days.

I had a horrible headache all day and was just miserable.
Kids were obstinate and demanding so much attention that I felt like I couldn't give.
I drained the entire pot of spaghetti down the sink. Literally, the entire thing.
I completely forgot about our 6 pm Celebration of Lights holiday stroll plans until 5:30 pm. And then it was a mad rush of waking napping babies; bundling up tiny, overly energetic people into double pants and double socks and mittens and hats and shoes and winter coats; and getting everyone into the car.
We needed cash for tickets and... we had $1. Of course. So we stopped at an ATM, got some cash, and were off.

Everyone's moods were high and excited. The sense of adventure and fun was upon us. Despite being late, we still managed to find a parking spot. People were everywhere. Lights were everywhere. It was Christmas everywhere.

We made it all the way through the entrance line before Jason discovered his cash was no longer in his pocket. Somewhere in the long walk between the car and the park, through multiple parking lots and even a street crossing, with the blustery winter winds blowing every which way, the money had managed to slip out of his pocket. And just like that, everyone's high moods crashed.

The time it would take to get everyone back to the car and get to another ATM would eat up our already limited time before an already late bedtime for the kids. It just wasn't going to happen. So I knelt down next to the boys and explained that we didn't have the money to get in to see the lights tonight and that we would try to come again tomorrow night and Finley didn't understand why we had to go and Lucas was so disappointed he started crying, and I just felt the frustrations from the whole day piling on top of me in one overwhelming landslide.

And then the Spirit of Christmas arrived. We don't know her name. She knew nothing about us. All she said was, "I've got you covered," and handed cash to the worker at the gate. She told Lucas to dry his tears so he could see the lights. And she was gone.

The lights were beautiful. The cookies were delicious. The boys' joy was infectious. It was a grand night and I will remember it for a good long time. But the thing I'll remember the most is the feeling of gratitude for the woman who made our whole experience possible tonight. The spirit of Christmas is alive and well here.

Thank you, anonymous woman, for giving my boys a real life example of what Christmas looks like inside of a person.

held

I was putting Lucas and Finley to bed tonight and we were singing our goodnight songs while lying on the floor. Finley was snuggled on top of me and Lucas was tucked under my arm. Mid-song Lucas said to me, "Everyone in this room is being held, but no one is holding you." I laughed and said, "That's because I'm too big for you guys to hold." He didn't say anything so I started singing again. A few moments later I feel him readjusting his position and then a little arm slips under my back. "Now you are being held too, Mommy."

Reason #7,351 why I treasure being a mom to these boys.

 ❤️😭❤️

the influenced instagram-er

Is one who uses Instagram called an Instagram-er? Instagram-ee? Gram-er? Graham cracker? I don't know. This is not my area of expertise. [Instagram is not my area of expertise, that is. Coming up with possible-but-not-at-all-likely names for things is definitely my area of expertise, just so we are clear.] I am not at all clear about the rules and expectations and social protocol that goes along with having an Instagram account, so I tried to avoid it as long as possible. This is how I deal with things, social media platforms and life in general.

Eventually, however, my curiosity and desire to stalk people in as many ways as possible always overcomes my fear of not knowing what I'm doing. So I made an account. Like, a long time ago. But I still had All The Questions. Just to name a few...

• Is it basically the same as Facebook? What are the important differences?
• Is it more about the pictures or the stories? How do you know whether to Instagram a picture or Instagram story a picture? 
• What direction am I supposed to swipe for what?
• Will I just be looking at the same things I already see on Facebook? 
• If I see the same picture on two different social media accounts, am I expected to like/heart it on both accounts? What does it say if I don't? What does it say if I do?
• Is it more for "life highlights" or "daily life" updates?
• What is worse, having an account and over posting or having an account with just one picture for the last three years?
• What does it say if you follow someone but they don't follow you back?
• If someone follows you, is it rude to not follow them back?
• How many hashtags are you supposed to use? What if you #dontusehashtags because you think they #seriouslymakenosense and #seemtohavezeropurpose? Does this make you an Instagram outcast?
• All those dancing stickers and words and polls and music playing in a story... WHAT IS THAT BUSINESS?

I tell you, I can overthink the twitch of a donkey's ear.

So, one of my "before I turn 33" goals was to "follow" someone on Instagram. Mission accomplished. My "before I turn 34" goal is now to post a picture on my account. [By the by, is it called "Instagram-ing a picture"? Or just "posting to Instagram"? Or maybe "Insta-posting"? "Gram-ing?"]

Unrelated note: turning 34 sounds SO OLD. 

But, here's the problem. How can I possibly post a picture on my account, make that huge leap of faith into the great Instagram-ing unknown, with so many unanswered questions? I am not comfortable with unknowns or unexpected expectations, even if they are laughably unimportant details. I might make a huge social media faux pas and be forced to abandon my 'gram-ing before I even have the chance to truly begin. So, what does one slightly over-dramatic, mountain-out-of-mole-hill maker do in this situation?

You take a lesson from the penguins.

Have you ever heard those tales about groups of penguins electing one unfortunate penguin to be the water-tester? Just one little shove and in he goes. Water clear? Penguin alive? Okay then! Everyone in! [I kinda doubt that penguins actually deliberately do this, though I am not surprised that their constant shoving on the edge of the ice inevitably leads to one of the penguins being offered up as an nonvoluntary tribute...]

In my less waddle-y situation, Instagram is my leopard seal infested waters and Jason is my unsuspecting penguin. Oh how I love this man. As a very weird, very belated birthday present to me, I asked him to make an Instagram account and post one picture every single day. No need to follow anyone. No need to accept any follows except mine. No need to caption, filter, or even necessarily be the one to take the picture. All I asked for was a picture a day.

And let me tell you, one of the best/funniest/most out of character things Jason has ever said to me was, "Well, you'll just have to check my Instagram."

He has been diligently posting his daily pictures and they make me so happy. His rules are that if he has taken a picture that day, he has to post one of them. But if he hasn't taken any that day, he'll just use one of the pictures I've taken that day. I think it's fair. Most days he forgets to take a picture of his own, but seeing which picture he's chosen from my pictures for the day is just as pleasing as seeing one he's taken himself.

So what have I learned from shoving my penguin off the ice cliff? Well, I have learned that there are not as many leopard seals as I feared. I mean, if Jason can survive the waters, surely I can too. I do believe one day I will put on my Stop-Overthinking-It pants and Just-Do-It attitude and post a picture to my Instagram account. Sometime before I turn 34. I mean, that gives me a good 7 months to contemplate the hazards and connotations of pressing that little heart button on someone else's post, which is, of course, my "before I turn 35" goal.

Until then, I will revel in Jason's private social media status [oxymoron?], follow one randomly selected Facebook friend at a time [if you have kids, you get priority since cute kids are pretty much my jam], and watch John Crist's neverending Instagram stories. It's all about the baby steps into the shallow end of the ocean, you guys.

I may not be an Instagram influencer, but I've influenced an Instagram-er and I think Instagram is a better place because of it.

what's going down over at Jason's Instagram 😍

not yet four

The boys and I were out on a walk today because it was the first beautiful day of fall weather. Lucas and Finley were walking ahead of me and I was following with Sebastian in the double stroller [because if I decide to just carry the baby in a carrier, inevitably either Lucas or Finley will declare they cannot go one more step and it's all downhill from there...]. It was near the end of our walk and I was trying to keep Sebastian from falling asleep so I could put him down for his nap once we got home. All of my poking and harassing wasn't working so I had to take him out of the stroller and just carry him.

So now I am pushing an empty double stroller with one arm, holding Sebastian with my other arm, and trying to keep up with my two kazoo-blowing, bucket-swinging, stick-wielding adventurers who are wandering ahead of me "collecting nature." We all come up to a driveway where a woman is pulling her trash can in from the curb. She looks at Lucas and Finley and then at me and the stroller and says, "I sure hope you don't have a fourth one in there!" As I push the stroller past her, she peers inside the empty baby seat and gives a big relieved, "Whew!"

And I, being excellent at small talk and unexpected interactions with people, just said the first thing that popped in my head: "No, I wish!"

And you know what? It wasn't untrue.

gray on top, green on bottom

just an old man with his bucket hat

me time

Ah, the great 1:15 pm stampede upstairs for nap time/quiet time/me time. It's one of my favorite times of day. There is relief [FINALLY]. There is excitement [I might get some time alone!]. There is intrigue [Who will actually stay in their room the whole time and sleep/play like they're supposed to?]. There is crushing disappointment [Why do you not want to nap? Why will you not stay in bed? Why do you need to poop NOW?]. It's a wonderful time.

As soon as it hits 1:15, I scoop up Sebastian under one arm and some stuffed animals under the other arm. I grab my phone and the baby monitor in one hand and two boys' worth of snacks in the other hand. I ask Lucas if he needs to go to the bathroom and call for Finley to start heading upstairs. When met with silence, I wait the Good and Patient Parent's amount of time [approximately 15 seconds] before asking Lucas again if he needs to go to the bathroom and call for Finley again to start heading upstairs. When met with more silence, I wait the Not-As-Good-and-Patient Parent's amount of time [approximately 2 seconds] before threatening the consumption of aforementioned snacks if I don't immediately hear some responses and/or pitter-pattering of feet heading my way. By this point, Sebi's alter ego, Mr. Squirmo Pants, is emerging and he's getting fussy either about A) being held the way he's being held or B) being hungry or C) being sleepy.

Finally, after toilets have been flushed and hands have been washed and animals have somehow been found and then lost again and both boys have forgotten what we're supposed to be doing several times over, we are all en route up the stairs. Finley gets through the bottom gate first and commences his slow and not at all steady ascent, arms filled with a panda, a fox, a turtle, and his snack bowl. Lucas dangerously squeezes past him on the second step in his unannounced race to be the first to the top, dropping one of his six stuffed animals every third step, with the unspoken expectation that I somehow manage to gather them for him during my climb. Sebastian is doing frog kicks into Finley's back as I try to herd Finley up the stairs just a wee bit faster than tortoise. By now, Lucas is announcing his triumphant victory and reminding us of the consequences of whoever loses the stair race [generally in the form of declaring him or her as some inedible eggplant dish]. Seventeen years later, Finley and the rest of us arrive at the top of the stairs.

I drop Lucas and his bowl of snacks off in our guest/play/pink room. Door closed. One down.

I sit with Finley as he eats his two animal crackers. I sing him a medley of Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, and Row, Row, Row Your Boat. He drinks some water. He flings himself into bed. I give him a dozen and a half instructions on what is expected of him during this nap time. Door closed. Two down.

I nurse Sebi, change his diaper, swaddle him, and plop him into his crib. Door closed. Three down.

And then I wait.

I wait for Lucas to announce he can't find one of his animals or that he needs help with his sticker book or that he needs to go to the bathroom. I wait for Finley to climb out of bed several times or need help finding one of his animals or need another drink of water or, worst case scenario, refuse to go to sleep at all. I wait for Sebastian to start crying because he's still hungry or he has a burp or he needs to spit up. I just sit on the edge of my bed and wait. It's the waiting game of all waiting games.

And today? I won the game.

Lucas didn't need anything.
Finley didn't need anything.
Sebastian didn't need anything.

Game. Set. Match.

And my reward? I got to sit here and write this post. It seems a little circular, to want them all to go down so I can write a post about them all going down, but... that's the beauty of me time. I get to do whatever I want. ;) It is absolutely lovely.

Oh! Also! I wanted to write a post today so I could remember the following story:
Finley dove into bed and whomped his head good on the bottom of the top bunk, and he, of course, started wailing and wailing. His wailing made Sebastian wail and wail. Finley, mid-sobs, managed to say, "It's, it's okay, Sebi. Don't cry. Me is, me is okay, Sebi. It's okay now." And it was the sweetest thing alive.

I love my crew. And my 30 minutes of peace and quiet. Cheers to the days where I get both!

apple slices up on top

Lunchtime is always the same around here. Lucas gets a bowl with a peanut butter sandwich cut into halves with apple slices, peel on. Finley gets a bowl with a peanut butter sandwich cut into fourths with apple slices, peel off. Sebastian gets milk. Jason gets whatever is the easiest lunch option he can think up. And I get a plate of something that the boys immediately deem is the only thing they've ever wanted to eat ever.

Today I was distracted and accidentally put Lucas's lunch bowl at Finley's spot at the table and Finley's bowl at Lucas's. The boys sat down at the table and started eating. As usual they both started on their apples first. They were each about halfway through their first slice of apple when Lucas suddenly announced, "Finley, I think our bowls are switched. You have my lunch and I have your lunch."

Now, since they had already started eating the other's lunch, and in fact were still holding each other's half eaten apple in their hands, it was a toss up about what reaction would happen next. A wailing fit would not have surprised me too much ("HE'S EATING MY APPLE!!"). A whiny request for me to do some overly complicated fix would have been unreasonable but also not unexpected. A "Why did you give us the wrong bowl? (Finley echo: "Why give bowl?") How could you not tell? (Finley echo: "How not tell?")" would have been acceptable.

But no. Instead, Lucas handed his bowl to Finley. Finley slid his bowl over to Lucas. They both held out their half-eaten apple slice to the other, exchanged them, and commenced eating the apple slice already half eaten by the other.

Brotherhood at its brother-iest.

reminders

Some days end with what feels like two straight hours of disobedience, defiance, and discipline, and stress and frustrations and doubts about all of it. It was an evening that left me feeling like the whole day was awful.

But then I found this picture that I took early this morning, as we went back to the fish hatchery (for the second time this vacation) to throw pellets at trout. And I remembered: the day wasn't all bad.

The boys kept wanting everyone to hold hands. We fed the fish. We had our first family car wash experience. The boys "scored 8 points!" gleefully running around a whiffle ball field. Lucas and I had a lot of fun at the pool while Finley took his nap without waking up in the middle of it crying. I took a short nap with both boys cuddling up next to me. We had pizza for dinner. It was a good day.

Sometimes I'll ask Lucas how his day was and all he can remember is each time he cried that day and what triggered it. I hear his answer and immediately think, "Seriously? But there were so many good things! How can you only remember the two events that took up 15 minutes out of your entire day??" And I'll proceed to remind him of the picture he drew that he declared was the funniest ever or the hour he spent outside chasing the lawnmower or the games of follow the leader that left him out of breath with laughter.

He's 4 and I'm 33 and sometimes we're not so different. Sometimes we just need a reminder of what we've forgotten, that the good almost always outweighs the bad, and that it's up to us what we choose to focus on.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day to choose joy. A new day to choose patience. A new day to choose gratitude.

Tomorrow is a new day, but really, today wasn't half bad.