I am not a follower of recipes. I do not know why. I try to follow them. I really do. And then I get two ingredients in and it seems too annoying to unlock my phone yet again with my food covered hands to look at what comes next and so, I go rogue. Again.
Since I am not a follower of recipes, I am not a baker. Baking requires much more stringent recipe following. Baking requires measuring cups and measuring spoons and scales and specific ingredients. Baking requires a level of precision that, honestly, I am just unwilling to give. But! Baking gives you cakes and cookies and muffins and bread.
So, baking and I have come to a rather shaky compromise: I will do my best to add the right type of ingredients and it will do its best to produce something that at least remotely resembles a baked good.
This past weekend, in honor of Easter, I decided to tackle another baking project. This time, the goal was challah - a beautifully braided, golden, egg and honey flavored loaf. I knew there would be some obstacles, but I felt ambitious. I could do this thing.
Step 1: Make some dough.
Obstacle 1: Doughs don't like me.
Solution: When it asks for 4.5-6 cups of flour, use 7.
Step 2: Let it rise.
Obstacle 2: What does double in size mean? Now? Is it the right size now? What if I poke it? Oh great, now it's really not double in size. Why did I poke it? Do I start over?
Solution: Wait a really long time. And stop poking it.
Step 3: Roll it into strands.
Obstacle 3: My counter's not big enough. My dough is too slide-y. My helpers are poking things with forks.
Solution: Make uneven, lumpy ropes of all sizes and call it a day. Put the fork holes on the bottom.
Step 4: Braid it.
Obstacle 4: My dough strands.
Solution: Pretend the six strand braid is supposed to be uneven and lumpy.
Step 5: Put the loaf on the pan.
Obstacle 5: Putting the loaf on the pan.
Solution: The loaf was eventually manhandled onto the pan. Neither the helpers nor the forks were a part of the solution.
Step 6: Bake until bottom sounds hollow.
Obstacle 6: I am terrible at choosing watermelons based on their hollow sounds.
Solution: The challah is not a watermelon.
Step 7: Let cool before serving.
Obstacle 7: I have no cooling rack thingamajig, but I do have a houseful of people who want to eat freshly cooked breads immediately.
Solution: Two tupperware-type containers and threatening to use the loaf as a weapon.
Overall, I would say our final result was a resounding success. It had an excellent texture and flavor, and clumsy braiding aside, it was my best looking loaf of bread yet. The men of the house expressed much delight upon finally tasting the bread. The sounds of their munching could be heard far and wide and the crumbs left all over the floor were enough to make a second loaf.
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| I'm pretty sure Finn thought the whole loaf was his and Lucas's alone |
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| my breadie [that's a foodie specific to bread, fyi] |
Easter miracles:
1) Recipe followed almost perfectly.
2) Loaf lasted more than one day.
3) He is not here; He has risen!
