Okay, with all that blame appropriately assigned and out of the way, it's time to get to the good stuff. This is 9 months of stuff, so perhaps the considerate/smart thing to do would be split it up into two posts. But that would mean remembering to come back and make a second post... And we all know that won't be happening [see above blame] so...
Life in the Vermette Household Through the Lens of [an absurd amount of] Four Second Sound Bites, go!
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Lucas, huffing and puffing: "I'm trying to catch up with my breath."
Lucas: "Finley, when you grow up and have kids, don't tell them that's what an octopus sounds like."
Jason: "There's still some jerky in his bellybutton if you want some."
Jason: "I'm pretty sure contracts pre-marriage are still enforceable."
Lucas: "Do you think European babies cry differently?"
Finley, examining his kangaroo animal cracker: "Hop hop."
Finley, biting off the kangaroo head: "No more hop."
Jason, shaking his head and muttering: "Ugh, it's just chaos..."
Jason: "Stop touching that."
Lucas: "Even with things that aren't my hands?"
Lucas: "Some fun things lead to un-fun things, like washing hands."
Me: "Was there pandemonium?"
Lucas: "...what's monium?"
Lucas: "I feel like I have glitter on my tongue."
Lucas: "I can't hula hoop my whole life. I have other things to do, like eat and sleep and other things like that. If I don't sleep, I don't grow!"
Jason: "Who will go first?"
Lucas: "Me!"
Jason: "You went first last game AND you went last on the last game."
Lucas: "Okay... Then I'll go third."
Jason: "...it's a 2-player game."
Jason: "I don't think anyone named Edith has ever stolen a pie."
Me: "Oh the humanity!"
Lucas: "Oh the huge manatee!"
Jason: "What if squats were called scoots but everything else in the universe was the same?"
Lucas: "Well, I woke up at 6:16 and went pee. Then I went back to sleep until 6:24. Then me and Big Bear explored pandas. And then we got up at 6:34."
Lucas: "I KNOW what dramatic means, but I'M NOT DRAMATIC."
Lucas: "I'm fast as lightning! And tired as a monkey."
Me: "Finley, you're just going to town on your breakfast."
Finley: "Me town breakfast. Mommy town breakfast. Daddy town breakfast."
Lucas: "I only go to town on the road."
Finley: "Geegee town road."
Me: "Or I could have a chalkboard."
Jason: "No. You cannot have a chalkboard. I forbid it. If you buy one, I'm throwing it out at the curb."
Jason: "Okay, boys, Daddy needs to go pee so don't get in a fight while I'm gone."
Finley: "Geegee, me turtle gone. Me turtle go? Geegee, me turtle go?"
Lucas: "You'll have to find him yourself."
Finley: "No, Daddy find me turtle."
Lucas: "Well then you'll have to ask him and see if he wants to."
Finley: "Daaaaadddddy. Me turtle go? Me turtle gone. Daaaaadddddy."
Lucas, asking for a round tortilla chip: "May I please have one of those edible heads?"
Lucas: "Finley, you know how Big Bear is my favorite toy, but I will let you hold him if you let me hold the panda bear that you have."
Lucas: "I wish my whole life could be playing, eating, and running! And growing... I guess."
Finley: "Yucky booger me got."
Jason: "It wouldn't be very satisfying to stuff a bunch of Cheerios down my throat."
Finley: "Daddy, fall into the ball pit, please."
Jason: "You're my Walmart girl."
Jason: "Is that man running with a fanny pack??"
Lucas: "...that's because you drink COW milk, Daddy, not MOMMY milk."
Me, to Lucas in the bathroom: "Are you done yet?"
Lucas: "Um... yes. But how did you not already know?"
Me: "How would I know if you were done?"
Lucas: "Because you're, like, the pee tracker."
Lucas: "What's the most magical thing about birthdays?"
Me: "What?"
Lucas: "The pin-tada! Because a pinata is an animal that you burst open to get candy in holidays and birthdays and "tada!" is something you say when something happens."
Lucas: "Almost everything except poop starts off small and gets bigger. A baby koala is smaller than a five cent coin."
Lucas: "I like how Finley says 'Why take apart it?'"
Jason: "Lucas has a nature jar - you can have a hair jar. I'm just going to say, though, that's pretty weird."
Lucas: "Well, in skip year..."
Me: "...is skip year something like leap year?"
Lucas: "Oh. Leap year. That's what I meant."
Jason, after putting the boys to bed: "I feel like I might have told them Merry Christmas instead of goodnight..."
Me: "Yep, you definitely did."
Me: "How do you like the cornbread?"
Lucas: "You know how I like burritos just below pandas? This cornbread is the same amount of space below burritos that burritos are from pandas."
Me: "Wow. And how much space IS between pandas and burritos?"
Lucas: "Not much."
Jason: "Half of being a parent is forgetting you need to pee for two hours."
Lucas, singing one his original songs: "🎶God is preparing a place for me. He is the only God that is real. Some people may worship other gods, but I only praise Him.🎶"
Finley, climbing onto his giraffe: "Me go to work now."
Me: "Hope you have a good day at work! What kind of work do you do?"
Finley: "Me work like Daddy - me eat lunch at work and me play with tissues at work and sometimes me play in a barn at work."
Lucas: "Sebi is a funny little honey bunny. Especially when he poops somewhere he's not supposed to."
Lucas: "I'm laying eggs everywhere! When they hatch, they'll be cabies - half cub, half baby; half human, half bear."
Lucas: "Do you know what a chipmunk is?"
Finley: "It's kinda like a beaver."
Lucas: "No... not exactly."
Finley: "...kinda like a baby beaver?"
Lucas: "Well. Maybe."
Finley: "I'm peeing in my diaper!"
Lucas: "DADDY, FINLEY IS PEEING IN HIS DIAPER!"
Finley: "It's gone now."
Lucas: "It's gone now? Well, that doesn't mean you don't have pee. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean you don't have any pee. Maybe you just don't feel it but you still have pee."
Finley: "Go to sleep, Wucas. My pee is gone."
Jason: "The last time you smelled poop, it was bacon."
Lucas: "Don't look, Mommy."
Finley: "No, Wucas! Don't talk to Mommy."
Lucas: "Why not?"
Finley: "Because you're a kid."
Lucas: "You're a kid too."
Finley: "No! I'm not!"
Lucas: "Okay, then what are you?"
Finley: "I'm A FINN."
Finley, examining everyone's ears with an otoscope: "Hmm... It smells good. No hairs."
Jason: "I didn't think I would fall out of bed. I just didn't know where my pool noodle was."
Lucas: "Look what I made! It's a platypus pretending to eat a fish so it can look like a walrus narwhal."
Lucas: "Daddy is VERY smart and he knows a lot of things, but some things he just doesn't seem to know. For example, sometimes you can't just TRY, you have to DO."
Finley: "That's my eye booger."
Lucas: "You mean, eye wax?"
Jason, having run some errands with Sebi in tow: "We got some compliments while we were at the store."
Lucas: "...did people say Sebi was cute or did they say YOU were cute?"
Lucas, wanting to ask Jason one more question at bedtime: "Daaadddddy!"
Finley, having just been taken to the bathroom by Jason for the third time in as many minutes: "He's not coming back, Wucas. He's tired."
Finley: "On the first day of Christmas, I gave to me..!"
Lucas: "What is that?"
Finley: "It's my Lego flying duck."
Lucas: "But all ducks can fly."
Finley: "Yeah."
Lucas: "So... it's just a duck."
Lucas: "Nevermind means they don't need to talk to you anymore."
Finley: "It's time to go to sleep."
Lucas: "What are you going to do?"
Finley: "I'm not going to do nothing."
Lucas: " So... you're going to do... something?"
Finley: "No, I'm going to stop talking."
Lucas: "...and what else will you do?"
Finley: "Not close my eyes, that's for sure."
Finley: "I'm a Finn."
Jason: "What's a Finn?"
Finley: "It's a kind of a boy."
Me: "Do you think all men are like that?"
Jason: "I just don't think all women are like you."
Finley: "Go back into your hole, Wucas."
Lucas: "What's a gene pool?"
Jason: "Well, a gene is-."
Lucas: "I know what a GENE is."
Jason: "Well, you're five! I don't know what you know!"
Lucas: "A gene is what controls what you look like."
Jason: "That's... right."
Lucas: "When can I have my animals back?"
Finley: "When I'm born."
Lucas: "You've always been born for the whole time you've been alive. Since you are alive right now, then you are already born."
Finley: "I don't think so, Wucas."
Sebastian: "Bwah!"
Finley: "Are you a sheep, Sebi?"
Finley: "When I cough, hiccups come out."
*************
Whew. If you made it through that, you are either related to us or are having a really, really, really slow Thursday night. Or both.
I hope you enjoyed hearing 0.00003% of the nonsense that is spoken around here. Now go and have an intelligent conversation with another adult. It will help you recover.
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| it's never too early to introduce elephants to your baby brother |
