10.31.2019

the influenced instagram-er

Is one who uses Instagram called an Instagram-er? Instagram-ee? Gram-er? Graham cracker? I don't know. This is not my area of expertise. [Instagram is not my area of expertise, that is. Coming up with possible-but-not-at-all-likely names for things is definitely my area of expertise, just so we are clear.] I am not at all clear about the rules and expectations and social protocol that goes along with having an Instagram account, so I tried to avoid it as long as possible. This is how I deal with things, social media platforms and life in general.

Eventually, however, my curiosity and desire to stalk people in as many ways as possible always overcomes my fear of not knowing what I'm doing. So I made an account. Like, a long time ago. But I still had All The Questions. Just to name a few...
  • Is it basically the same as Facebook? What are the important differences?
  • Is it more about the pictures or the stories? How do you know whether to Instagram a picture or Instagram story a picture? 
  • What direction am I supposed to swipe for what?
  • Will I just be looking at the same things I already see on Facebook? 
  • If I see the same picture on two different social media accounts, am I expected to like/heart it on both accounts? What does it say if I don't? What does it say if I do?
  • Is it more for "life highlights" or "daily life" updates?
  • What is worse, having an account and over posting or having an account with just one picture for the last three years?
  • What does it say if you follow someone but they don't follow you back?
  • If someone follows you, is it rude to not follow them back?
  • How many hashtags are you supposed to use? What if you #dontusehashtags because you think they #seriouslymakenosense and #seemtohavezeropurpose? Does this make you an Instagram outcast?
  • All those dancing stickers and words and polls and music playing in a story... WHAT IS THAT BUSINESS?
I tell you, I can overthink the twitch of a donkey's ear.

So, one of my "before I turn 33" goals was to "follow" someone on Instagram. Mission accomplished. My "before I turn 34" goal is now to post a picture on my account. [By the by, is it called "Instagram-ing a picture"? Or just "posting to Instagram"? Or maybe "Insta-posting"? "Gram-ing?"]

Unrelated note: turning 34 sounds SO OLD. 

But, here's the problem. How can I possibly post a picture on my account, make that huge leap of faith into the great Instagram-ing unknown, with so many unanswered questions? I am not comfortable with unknowns or unexpected expectations, even if they are laughably unimportant details. I might make a huge social media faux pas and be forced to abandon my 'gram-ing before I even have the chance to truly begin. So, what does one slightly over-dramatic, mountain-out-of-mole-hill maker do in this situation?

You take a lesson from the penguins.

Have you ever heard those tales about groups of penguins electing one unfortunate penguin to be the water-tester? Just one little shove and in he goes. Water clear? Penguin alive? Okay then! Everyone in! [I kinda doubt that penguins actually deliberately do this, though I am not surprised that their constant shoving on the edge of the ice inevitably leads to one of the penguins being offered up as an nonvoluntary tribute...]

In my less waddle-y situation, Instagram is my leopard seal infested waters and Jason is my unsuspecting penguin. Oh how I love this man. As a very weird, very belated birthday present to me, I asked him to make an Instagram account and post one picture every single day. No need to follow anyone. No need to accept any follows except mine. No need to caption, filter, or even necessarily be the one to take the picture. All I asked for was a picture a day.

And let me tell you, one of the best/funniest/most out of character things Jason has ever said to me was, "Well, you'll just have to check my Instagram."

He has been diligently posting his daily pictures and they make me so happy. His rules are that if he has taken a picture that day, he has to post one of them. But if he hasn't taken any that day, he'll just use one of the pictures I've taken that day. I think it's fair. Most days he forgets to take a picture of his own, but seeing which picture he's chosen from my pictures for the day is just as pleasing as seeing one he's taken himself.

So what have I learned from shoving my penguin off the ice cliff? Well, I have learned that there are not as many leopard seals as I feared. I mean, if Jason can survive the waters, surely I can too. I do believe one day I will put on my Stop-Overthinking-It pants and Just-Do-It attitude and post a picture to my Instagram account. Sometime before I turn 34. I mean, that gives me a good 7 months to contemplate the hazards and connotations of pressing that little heart button on someone else's post, which is, of course, my "before I turn 35" goal.

Until then, I will revel in Jason's private social media status [oxymoron?], follow one randomly selected Facebook friend at a time [if you have kids, you get priority since cute kids are pretty much my jam], and watch John Crist's neverending Instagram stories. It's all about the baby steps into the shallow end of the ocean, you guys.

I may not be an Instagram influencer, but I've influenced an Instagram-er and I think Instagram is a better place because of it.

what's going down over at Jason's Instagram 😍

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