One of my documenting outlets is to jot down random things in a file on my phone. It pleases me to no end when I finally decide to read through the file and find so many lovely, often context free, gems of life that I probably would have forgotten if not for writing it down. Another perk is that they make for, what I think is, an excellent lazy-man blog post.
So, as hopefully my last post before the arrival of wee one numero 3, here is a glimpse of some more documented life before things get even crazier. And I will begin yet another file of entertaining tidbits.
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Lucas, noticing his heart beating after running amok for ten minutes: "I think my heart is doing a tango dance."
Me, reading ports of call to Jason: "San Juan, Puerto Rico, and then Basseterre, St. Kitts, and then-"
Lucas: "You mean, St. Kitts and Nevis."
Me: "What?"
Lucas: "It's not St. Kitts. It's St. Kitts and NEVIS."
Jason: "If I can't find monkeys, do you want poop?"
Me: "That jacket has gross stuff on it too."
Jason: "I have kids who leak gross stuff on me. What can I do about it?"
Me: "Wash your clothes sometimes."
Lucas, seeing a mermaid: "I saw... a marine girl."
Jason, trying to entertain both boys: "Can you come help?! Lucas needs help with Legos and Finley is getting into everything! I don't know how you do it by yourself!"
Lucas: "When I'm 5, I just might make breakfast for you."
Jason, contemplating his life filled with little half-Asian boys: "There are just all of these people walking around with girls. How do they get girls?"
Me: "Do you think most people have to wander around their house looking for their bra pads?"
Jason: "No, because most people don't let their boys use them as yarmulkes."
Lucas, after going to the bathroom: "And THAT was the pee that I've held since the day before yesterday!"
Jason: "Don't put your face so close to the toilet."
Lucas: "Why not?"
Jason: "Your face has your mouth and nose on it and the toilet is dirty."
Lucas: "But... My mouth eats food and my nose has boogers so they're already dirty."
Lucas: "I'm going to be the next Dr. Seuss!"
Jason: "That's no place to keep nature!"
Lucas: "If I had $300,000... I would buy... presents for you and Daddy and Finley and a lot of other people."
Me: "So! What should we have for Easter dinner?"
Lucas: "We could eat some rabbit."
Me: "Rabbit? It might be really hard to catch the rabbits in our backyard. They're pretty fast."
Lucas: "Well... We don't have to catch them. Maybe we can just eat their meat."
Lucas: "Will tortellini make me big and strong?"
Jason: "I just think it's funny how you're creative."
Me: "That is funny. But how I am creative?"
Jason: "You made the bunny cake."
Me: "...because it's Easter. So, bunny. That's not creative."
Jason: "Yeah but, it was a bunny."
Lucas, running into the bathroom yelling: "Mommy Mommy Mommy! Bad news! Bad news! You have to help Finley!"
Me, trying to pull my pants up quickly: "Okay. Tell me what's wrong. What happened?"
Lucas: "It's such bad news! Finley is being squeezed by a boa constrictor!!"
Me: "Seriously? I thought it was something bad that had really happened, Lucas."
Lucas: "Well, I didn't say it was an EMERGENCY."
The unexpected drawback of getting your son Day of the Week underwear: every time he wants to verify what pretend day it is, he pulls down his pants to check the day. Moral of the story: Don't ask him what day it is in public.
My life the past few weeks:
Me: *goes pee* *brushes teeth* *sits on bed* "Ugh, I need to pee again."
Jason: "Babe, seriously?"
Me: "This is all your fault."
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